The TAO of Stone Conversations With a Stone Sculptor

Babies are Pure Love

2009-07-05T22:55:00.000-07:00

My life has been pretty busy the past month or so and I have been neglecting to write as often as I would like to. Writing is therapeutic and at the same time it helps to confine, somewhat, the rapid passing of time to snapshots of meaningful moments in our lives. Those moments could be as insignificant as spending a day walking on the beach, or as momentous as sharing in the birth of your newest and first grandchild. For me, the latter is the case.

Nothing compares to the pure love of a new baby. I am sure as a first time grandmother I am just a teensy bit prejudiced, of course, but ever since my new grandchild arrived on June 11, I have been pre-occupied with thoughts of this new baby and I would love to see her every day, but am very reluctant to become a pest to her parents. It takes time for new parents to adjust to this huge change in their lives, but sharing the event with family is also part of it, however its nice to give them time alone too. I guess I obsess about my grandchild a little, or did at first, I even had a dream about her when she was barely a week old. Must be grandmother's are just as anxious as a new mother. She changes every time I see her...

The photo above was taken at five days. She is a beautiful and very sweet baby, so healthy and good natured already. This second photo was taken on my son's first Father's Day just after he finished feeding her a bottle. She is barely three weeks old here.

I noticed that my son is not at all shy of pitching in helping to take care of his new daughter. Times have chanced since I had my children so many years ago, but it seems like yesterday Where did 40 years go by so quickly? When did he learn to be such a good Father?

I so look forward to sharing and watching Gabriella grow up in a loving family. The children being born today are our hope for a new and more promising future. Bring her up with love, patience and all the freedom to explore and learn that you can, while also teaching her enough boundaries to keep her wise and safe. Such a joyful time in our lives! We are truly blessed.

Spring Fever?

2009-05-01T18:19:00.000-07:00

Whatever that is, I guess I have it. Is that when the winter is finally over? In San Diego we don't have much of a winter but you know its over because the days are now longer, sunnier and hotter. I can get out walking in the mornings which I enjoy, and along the way I love to stop and admire the beautiful flowers in my neighborhood. My own low maintenance yard is rather barren by comparison even though I try to plant a few flowers here and there. Here is one of my neighbor's yard screaming colors by the thousands!

Spring fever is also when I don't feel quite "myself", and move from project to project feeling like the days are way too short. I'm more tired, don't seem to have the energy I start with by the end of the day. Every day I seem to accomplish a lot but there is still so much more to do and no time to do it. I have a habit of making lists of things I want to do then prioritize them, and even that has taken a back seat to other more pressing projects.

My little sewing business "Sew Artsy Creations" is keeping me pretty busy these days which I am grateful for. This week I finished and delivered two special order aprons for a beautician, completed ten new aprons which I will deliver on Saturday. I drove to Irvine, California to pick up five of my sculptures that were in a show for four months. I'm thinking about getting the Lion ready for another show that he will be in this summer. That will entail me getting my hands dirty to make four small pedestals to place under the Lion's feet to secure the bolts to, partly for safe-keeping, and partly so it is more visible from the street. I'll keep you posted on that big art project which will start taking place next week. It entails me shifting my mental gears from working on fabrics, food, and baby showers, into concrete!

Speaking of Baby Showers....last weekend was beautiful for both events and weather. My youngest son and his wife will soon be the parents of a baby girl in June, my first grandchild, and I am very excited. It is a wonderful thing to know that a part of you will be passed down from your child to another little soul.

His wife's co-workers prepared for her a beautiful shower at their home. It was without a doubt one of the nicest baby showers I have ever attended. The foods were incredible and decorations superb. Everyone had such a good time. I was asked to bring my famous NY Cheesecake which I did of course.

I am as excited as the parents, and maybe even more so, since I started shopping for the baby as soon as they told me they were expecting. I also made a few baby gifts, such as baby's first quilt, and some receiving blankets and two large baby bath towels. These were relatively easy to sew but I think the end results are much nicer than the kind you get in the stores.

No wonder they say being a grandparent is better than being a parent. We are more mature, and much more reflective in our thinking, and have a lot more time on our hands to be with our grandchildren, or at least I hope I will.

While I was raising my own children I had to work full time, so the joy of watching them grow up and enjoying every single moment, was often overshadowed by sheer exhaustion at the end of the day. I regret that now, but it is one of the things we can't change. I did the best I could. I hope that I will be a welcomed and a good grandmother. I ponder on what constitutes a "good" grandmother? Interesting thought...

Spending Time

2009-04-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder at how quickly time seems to pass. Here it is another Full Moon, and I am reminded that another whole month has gone by. I seem to measure my days, weeks and months by the personal yardstick of "how much did I accomplish today?" How did I spend my time? Where did February go? and March? Seemed like it flew by in a poof of the wind and yet I have so many things on my "TO DO" list that I had to get another piece of paper and tape it to the bottom of the first one that I started somewhere back in January. Now we are a week into the month of April, its almost Easter, and I have just realized -- after reading one of my favorite blogs Life at Willow Manor -- that this is poetry month. So now I feel obliged to post one of MY poems. Thanks Willow for that reminder....Willow has a wonderful blog that is a constant inspiration to me, and I wonder how on earth she finds time to put such fascinating things into her blog, and she writes every day! She is diligent and dedicated to constantly bring forth an amazing place in which the visitor can step out of their day and into her life for just a while. By sharing her beautiful mind, and cultural aspects of her life, music, theater, books, poetry and even daily trivia, she is a true gem. No one who reads her blog will go away untouched by her creativity ! But, I digress...

Last week, or I think it was last week, I finally found time to leave my house for--not one--but two occasions and visited with two best friends of mine that I don't see often enough. My friend Terry is a great Pet Portrait Painter and Writer of stories about dogs. She is a lot like me, totally dedicated to her craft but working hard at other things to help support her art. We are always trying to inspire each other in any way we can to work at our art and she was a huge help to me by pet-sitting for my two dogs while I was in the hospital last month. I wanted to thank her for being there for me when I needed help. Getting out for lunch is not the easiest thing for either of us, but we managed somehow to get out in spite of her raging allergies that day.

My other best friend is also an Artist, a Sculptor actually,and we managed to steal a few hours to go to one of our favorite places in San Diego, Balboa Park, and had lunch at another old favorite spot --El Prado. Time seems to stand still there.

There are always incredibly beautiful flowers in abundance everywhere you look, amazing old Spanish styled buildings, and such a sense of peace and quiet that I wonder at it every time I go there.

It affects your mood, and certainly your tastebuds to have lunch outdoors on a patio where you are in view of beautiful grounds in the fresh air and sunshine. Time seems to slow down a little, and even the dessert-compliments of the waiter- was a work of art.

Visiting for just a few hours with another artist, is inspiring to the soul. We connect as friends, and as Artists who inspire each other to keep working and get better at what we do. In this busy life that we are living, it is so easy to lose touch with our friends and share what is happening in our lives. Yes, we can talk on the phone and read blogs all day, watch television, and write letters and emails, but there is nothing like the human contact with another soul that you connect with, spiritually, artistically and as sisters, mothers, grandmothers and friends. None of us is alone in the world. We must remember to nurture our friendships, make the effort to call and set up time to get away from the bus-i-ness of our day even if it IS just for a few hours to stomp around poking into shops and art galleries, or having lunch. It nourishes your creativity and feeds your soul and having laughter and smiles for a few hours is good for your mental, emotional and spiritual health.

So in honor of friendships and poetry month, I am posting this poem for all my phenomenal female friends. This is a poem written by Maya Angelou about herself but I think it is important for all women to remember that they are each phenomenal in their own way no matter what the age.

"Phenomenal Woman"

Pretty woman wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to fit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies.
I say, It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man, The fellows stand or fall down on their knees.
They swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees. I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman, That's me.

Men themselves have wondered What they see in me.
They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say, It's the arch of my back
The sun in my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
I ought to make you proud I say,
It's the click of my heals,
The bend of my hair,
The need for my care.
Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Stay Phenomenal.....

Penguin Crossings

2009-03-27T13:23:00.001-07:00

Now this is something we never see in San Diego. This photo was sent to me from my daughter and her husband who are living in New Zealand and working at the Delegat Winery in Marlborough. They are fulfilling a life of "following their dream" for the past few years. They are the kind of people who seem to know where they are going way ahead of when they get there. Many of us wish we could plan our lives and have them turn out like we want, but often get side-tracked along the way and have to make a few detours before reaching our goals.

Kathe and Mark were married in 2005. Less than two years after they married they both decided to quit their jobs, sell their home, cars, and much of their belongings; Kathe a high-school math teacher since college and Mark an accountant; and go back to school to study Viticulture and Eunology, for those who are not sure what that is, The Art and Science of Winemaking. To be precise, they are going to go back to the land to become farmers of grapes and makers of fine wine, eventually that is.

But after graduating from Fresno State they both won a grant to study and travel for a month in Switzerland, France and Italy. They documented their trip in their lovely blog last summer "Travels with Mark and Kathe".

Upon returning last August they both secured jobs working at wineries in Napa Valley and then got hired to work Harvest Season in New Zealand this year. Spring for us but Fall in New Zealand. I am enjoying their experiences and look forward to hearing from them as they progress through the season. As a Mom, I am sad to see them so far away and they eventually will be settling some distance from where I am now, but its what they have to do and as much as I miss them I am proud that they are both focused on a dream together and are making it possible by being a team rather than pulling against each other as is often the case when two people are as strong minded as they are. Making a decision to change the patterns in your life, your jobs, your home, where you live and how you will ultimately make your living is hard when you are alone, but it can be impossible when you are married unless both people are willing to make the dream a reality. The likelihood of being self employed and being successful at it, are doubled many times over when both partners are willing to do what is necessary to make that dream real. Believe me when I say, as a self-employed person since 1993, it takes dedication, determination and a lot of sacrifice to make your life on your own skills, and not depend on outside employment.

Many times I wished I had a partner but was too busy working to build my business to take time to find one. I look at my kids and wonder if any of them learned anything from the examples I set for them by my own life - both good and bad -- and I am certain that something sank in.

One thing for sure, the love of travel is predominant in both of them, a good work ethic, ideals toward perfectionism and strong moral values. All the basis of a good start in life.

Though they won't admit it I think they also learned from me what NOT to do in life. They are both having the time of their lives and seeing many beautiful sunsets around the world. Those are the memories that will last - many years to come. Bless you and your "journey"...

Photos compliments of Kathe and Mark from New Zealand.

Creative Genius

2009-03-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

A New Way of Looking at Creativity and Genius
I have always dreamed about going to Italy to study sculpting while taking in the experience of the land, the people and the food and wine, and just maybe never coming home. So it was fun to read about the experiences of someone who had done just that. Elizabeth Gilbert wrote the book "Eat, Pray, Love" while living in Italy, India and Indonesia on a work/live sabbatical. The book became a best seller. She talks in an 18 minute segment on TED, about the fears that artists have of becoming "extinct" after creating their best work. Or worse, the fears that all creative geniuses have that once you create a great work of art, or in her case writing a book that became a best seller, you can't repeat it? Your pool of ideas has dried up? What about those artist blocks that seem to last forever while we are living our lives? And where does the creative genius come from? Are we even responsible for it? What about our creative ideas and dreams that never manifest? Maybe some dreams are just never meant to manifest? What do you think?

The Power of Stones

2009-03-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

Sacred Stones?

For most of my life I have had a strong attraction to things made of stone, and of course-to stones themselves. I believe in the power of stones to affect us energetically, although some people find this is hard to believe. "Stones are just inanimate objects, globs of dead weight!" I've often heard. Not true. Not only did ancient people believe that stones hold the secrets of the universe within them and the wisdom of the earth, they believed stones had power to heal illness and impart magic and protection for our bodies and spirits as well.

Now I do not have first hand knowledge or proof that any of
this is true, I do know that stone is definitely more than just globs of dead weight because I have learned how to shape stone with my sculpting tools and know that it can come "alive" in my hands. In addition while practicing therapeutic massage for 12 years, I experienced the healing ability of stone, when heated and placed on the body, in a practice I engaged in for almost ten years....heated stone massage or better known as "LaStone Therapy". The stones bring great healing not only to the client on the table but to the practitioner as well. After 12 years of doing deep tissue work for many hours a day, I never incurred injuries to my hands or arms and feel that the stones actually prevented me from any invasion of negative energy while working on my clients. Usually I would go home after a long day of work more energized than when I started but for sure, more at peace.

So I was not surprised when, a few months ago, I was thinking about Carnelian and how much I needed to find a carnelian stone for myself. I do not usually purchase jewelry, but I have learned to heed my mental obsessions when it comes to stones. I have a large collection of stones and crystals that I have collected from places near and far, and they are as precious to me as anything I have, even though most of them are not valuable gemstones, to me they are more precious than gems. I actually have a Carnelian ring that I purchased over 20 years ago but it no longer fit my finger so I decided to start a search and see what I could find. I did not really have any justification for needing to have Carnelian but when I looked up the healing aspects of Carnelian, I decided it might be important for me to add one more to my collection.

I came across a wonderful website for a man in Vancouver who makes the most unique and interesting jewelry; his name is Bill Fedoriuk and he is a custom Jeweler and Designer from Salt Springs Island, in British Columbia on Canada's West Coast. I was intrigued with one in particular so I emailed him to see if the ring was still available. He sent me a photo of another ring that he had instead, and I decided at that moment for whatever reason that this was the stone I was looking for, or, it was looking for me.

Hindsight is wonderful when it comes to analytic topics such as this, because I can look back now and know that it was right to follow my intuition about getting the Carnelian; at the time it did not make sense at all. Now, I can say that I know why I needed or wanted that Carnelian, or was I just following the guidance of my body's wisdom? Knowing now, that I was ill, or was about to become ill, it's easy to say that by following my body's wisdom to get the stone, I was actually aiding my healing process-in advance.

Our bodies have a knowing about everything - of course or they would not be able to function automatically as they do. We, as consciousness "all knowing" thinking human beings are so busy "thinking" usually, that we do not listen to our bodies. This is a training that we must engage in daily...learning to pay attention to what is going on "inside" of our bodies, by stepping outside of our busy minds for just a few moments to pay attention to what is needed. The answers are always there if we listen and pay attention to where the answers are coming from.

If we have a pain somewhere, that pain is telling us something. It is up to us to pay attention. By taking care of our bodies as we would a small child tugging on our shirt sleeve to get our attention, we tell our body that we care, we are attentive to its needs. Maybe it is a virus that needs attention, or hunger or just being tired. Maybe you feel a strained muscle, or a more serious illness that is about to spring into action to a full blown near-catastrophe. In my case that is about what happened but to my good fortune, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. What could have been a much more serious problem was nipped in the bud so to speak. I like to think that it was because of the energy of the Carnelian which I wore constantly after I received the ring in the mail, that I also followed all of my other intuitions until the day I had surgery and was asked to take the ring off, that I was able to heal in a week after my surgery. Others might just say it was the skill of the surgeon, or the medicines I was taking...perhaps it is all that and who is to say the stone did not help to arrange all of this in place for me? There is no proof but its one of the sweet mysteries of life to ponder.

I like to think that all of these stones in our life have a sacred nature and power to them, not unlike the stones of ancient Stonehenge which no one has yet been able to determine the real reason for their existence. But, to the ancient people from before 2500 bc, who took the time and trouble to drag them over 250 miles from their original place in Wales, to where they now stand, they must have been very sacred. Modern man cannot even conceive of the immense amount of manpower and ingenuity it must have taken to move stones that are estimated to weigh over 50 tons without the help of equipment such as what we have today. So in spite of technology, through the sheer power of belief in the sacredness and power of the stones, they were moved.

Happy First Day of Spring!

Photo of Stonehenge by Lucille Pine

Changing the Way I Think

2009-03-06T15:36:00.000-08:00

I'm back to my office now, and feel better than ever. After a month of serious illness, lots of discomfort, then a surgery I hadn't planned on and now into recovery, I feel like a new person. I have left all that behind me and am ready to tackle the rest of this year with a renewed spirit of enthusiasm and energy devoted to first, being grateful for the blessings I have in my life, and to being alive. There is nothing like being disabled for a few weeks to make you realize how little control we really have over our lives. I am practicing letting go and surrendering to that which is, and trying each day to find something to be grateful for. I can usually find more than one thing, but at least one. For example, we have had two weeks of somewhat sunny and warm (for March) weather here in San Diego and I noticed in my back yard the first wild flowers to pop up from under the weeds. I could not resist taking a photo of them. In addition, my lemon tree has been unusually prolific this year sprouting lemons like crazy. Maybe its trying to tell me something...."when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!". I heard that quote before but never realized how true it is.

In my last post I was still healing from Shingles, but that, in fact it got a lot worse and landed me in the hospital one day, and in an attempt to discover what was really going on in my body the doctors ordered a CAT scan and discovered a large tumor growing inside that was not supposed to be there. They did not think it was malignant but highly recommended removing it. Luckily I went for the surgery, in and out in one day which also amazes me, and I am fine now only one week later. It always amazes me how the body can recover from something and bounce back when we stop fighting and surrender to what is. I cannot say that no negative thoughts ever entered my mind, going into surgery, but I worked hard at focusing on my healing instead of "what if's". I am grateful that I had a son and daughter-in-law living close by who were able to drive me to the hospital and pick me up and take care of me for a night or two and that I had an entire week to be alone and heal in quiet. There is nothing like being at one with yourself when you need time to process what is going on in your life.

My best friend Terry who is a fantastic Pet Portrait Artist offered to pet-sit for my two big dogs, Oscar and Heaven, and I am so grateful to her for that. One of the things Terry is famous for is offering creative advice when I need it most, and she sent me a little reminder for my refrigerator today which I will share with you. It made me realize again how important it is to have friends to help you re-evaluate your thoughts at times, especially when we are feeling a little vulnerable. Everyone feels that way at times, and I am no different. As an artist, Terry can appreciate how difficult it is to survive and stay positive, as Artists, but stay true to yourself even though you do other things to pay the bills. I have had to re-invent myself several times in my life, but to me that is just part of being a creative person. The fact that we CAN re-invent ourselves is the beauty of life. We should never get too attached to what we do or how we make our living--that does not change who we are inside or that we still think of ourselves as Artists. In fact it made me realize that changing our thoughts about what we do and who we are is part of that attitude of gratitude I was talking about earlier. Being grateful for our creative spirit, our creative talents and our creative ability to turn lemons into lemonade, means just that...we ALL have the ability to be creative in times of economic stress and it does not mean that we are any less than, if we are not creating the "kind" of art WE think we should. It only matters how we think about what we do, and ourselves. I made a promise to post this on my refrigerator and remind myself every day that I can change my thoughts in an instant from negative to positive and it does indeed change how I feel and how well I function in all ways -- physically, mentally and spiritually. Thanks Terry....

Life - A Balancing Act

2009-02-13T13:31:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks of my life have been challenging to say the least in regard to my health. I have not been able to post to my daily blog. Normally I am a healthy, active and very energetic person who can bounce past most anything, rarely get colds and other than stubbed toes or minor cuts and scrapes from working in so many different mediums, I consider myself to be more healthy than average for my age. Granted I have known for several years, in the back of my mind, the creeping realization that I was starting to slide in my diet regime, eating less and less regularly and not as healthy as I used to, but always managed to skirt the issue. And skipping exercise which used to be a daily activity. My excuses were always the same, I'll do it next week. I skipped going to the dentist on regular visit because I was TOO busy or didn't have the extra money. Skipped doctors appointments for the same reason. Didn't want to have them tell me that I had better change my lifestyle.

We can fool others some of the time but we can never really fool ourselves because we are the ones who end up being the fool. My body has always spoken to me in times of my life when I needed to pay attention and this time it spoke to me loud and clear and included a baseball bat on the head to boot. I don't mean literally, but the truth is when the body wants your attention it will pull out all the stops to get it. This time I could not shut it out. Three weeks ago I came down with a case of Shingles, which if you don't know what it is, you will if you ever get it.

Shingles is caused by the same virus that attacked you as a child with the Chicken Pox. Herpes Zostex Virus. The little virus heals itself after the chicken pox but then lies dormant in your body for years and even decades. What triggers this virus is unusual stress on the body and immune system. In my case it was an accumulation of the last ten years of my life piling up incident upon incident of stressful situations that were thought to be healed but perhaps were not. And being the kind of person that I am, I took on more and more responsibility until one day the body says, "Whoa".

These past three weeks have been a time of extreme stress, pain, and many doctors visits, but in order to get beyond the pain alone, I had to go into deep reflection on the pain, and what it was telling me about myself and my life. Pain can be a healing thing or it can rip you to shreds emotionally and physically at night when there is no one to help you. No one to tell you what to do for it, and you just have to live through it. For me, writing about it was helpful, and in trying to understand it, I was able to do what needed to be done to find balance again. This will be a long road for me on my ever-changing journey through life, but it is one that must be walked by every person. We all have our own ways through things but hopefully by sharing mine with you it may help someone else who is contemplating their lives and staring real pain in the face. We can hide pain by keeping busy enough, by helping others enough, so that there is no time to look inside, but when the pain finally speaks, there is no turning away from it.

I wrote in my diary one night:

"What IS there? WHO is this pain?
It has a need to take over my body, mind and very soul
many times in the night
It comes to claim its way creeping through my being,
taking control of all my thoughts except one.
It...has my attention,
There is no other thought than this now - in this moment.

How do I feel?
I am alone with my own pain it is mine to own,
but not to keep.
I am borrowing it for only enough time to get present
with WHAT is NOW.

I AM Healing Now.

Peace....

True Friendships

2009-01-29T12:56:00.001-08:00

As a lifetime animal lover, this video truly touched me today. Its been around for a few weeks but this was the first time I saw it. Compliments of Naufragiobella's Weblog. I wanted to share it in the spirit of goodwill to men and women everywhere. See if you agree.

For anyone interested in learning more about "The Elephant Sanctuary" in Holdenwald, Tennessee, go to their website and read about the amazing work they do with animals and you can even help by donating to their cause.

Shadows of our Soul

2009-01-20T22:09:00.000-08:00

Full moon in Paso Robles, California January 2009

There is something magical about a full moon on a clear night when you can see it in total darkness without the light pollution from most large cities and towns. My daughter is fortunate to be living in such an area in Northern California, and sent me this beautiful photo that they took on the night of the January full moon. With her permission I am posting it here.

I chose to post a poem that I wrote many years ago at another time in my life, written about "shadows" of the soul". The shadows that we see or don't see depending on the presence or absence of light. That can also apply to the shadows within us. Are they really there? or are they merely illusions? Unexplored fears? What happens to the landscape in the light of day? Does it stay the same or is it more beautiful than it is at night? or perhaps less so? What about our Selves? Do we really see ourselves as we truly are or as others see us? Do we need the reflection of another to see who we are or can we truly examine our shadow self for what it is? This poem is really just a pondering of these deep thoughts.

Shadows of our Soul
Ilona J. Passino, November, 1995

The shadow of the tree languishes in its ever changing shape over the soft, moist leafy bed beneath it.

But is it the absence of light's reflection or only an illusion?
Is not the shadow, in fact, the tree? Ever one and the same?

What then, are We?
Are we mere shadows of our Self in the absence of light?
Ever changing, but not?

In darkness, I see not my Self
Without mirrors to reflect my light, what Am I?
I see not flesh, but know my Self as I AM
I sense my beingness, my wholeness and taste my tears;
I feel my inner being, my inner light and the vast realm of beauty within.
I need not mirrors but only to look in your eyes to tell me what is there--
my reflection is within you;
within all others, within the world in which I live
as the Moon reflects its light upon the water.

My Self is Love.
My love is everywhere I look, even darkness does not diminish its strength,
or its capacity for knowing all that it is. It smothers me in the night with its
beating heart and pounding thoughts.
It seeks desperately for a mossy bed in which to spread its shadow,
its reflection, on to an "other".
But the path of light has been enshrouded by a jungle of trials and rejection.

In sadness, and alone, there is much time to reflect the inner knowing
of pain, disappointments and fear.
I cry out for answers from my Self.
But it has rejected me from the absence of reflection of an Other.

Then, I hear a voice say...
"the answer is love seeking love and the gentle reflection of that love
returning again and again to the Soul."
Love and Acceptance
Ever giving and receiving as nature gives and receives its bounty
to every living being
The reflection is the light of love and the path to the Self
and the Self is the Shadow of the Soul.

Sunset in Cambria, California
Photo compliments of K. Kaigas

Are we there yet?

2009-01-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

Patience
I am the first to admit that patience is truly a virtue. In my younger days I recall being told many times "You just have to learn to be patient". Whatever it was I wanted to have or to have happen in my life, if it was not happening when I needed it to, would cause me extreme frustration. My father was the one who always managed to convince me that it just wasn't time. "Things happen when they are supposed to happen" he would say. Not because I wasn't good enough or didn't do enough but it just wasn't the time. That philosophy carried with me all my life. It has enabled me to learn to wait for things to happen on their own time and not on my time. It allowed me to be a visionary, a dreamer and creator but not hold on to my expectations for the outcome of things.
Often, if something did not manifest in my life when I prayed or asked for it, I would soon forget about it anyway and decided it just wasn't that important, at least not for that point in time. Like when I wanted to learn to sew as a young girl, and had no patience for the process. My projects would always turn out a disaster. My Mom taught me the value of taking my time, and being patient with myself and the process even though her methods of teaching were far less "patient" than my Father's. Other times, I learned that if something didn't come to me when I asked for it, then perhaps I had not put enough of my own energy into the project to make it happen. We are responsible for what we manifest or don't manifest in our lives, it doesn't just appear there on its own. Well, some things do but that is rare. Like the person in my town who last week won a 32 million dollar lotto ticket! "That was supposed to be mine!" I shouted at the TV!! Well, I forgot to buy the darned ticket last week!

Seriously though, other things percolate in our heads for years, distant desires, dreams, things we want to make, things we would like to learn, and bigger dreams - that we think and dream about but do not actually take seriously. Dreams about who we want to be and what we want to accomplish in our life. What about those things? When do they manifest? On their own? or does it take our true intention to make it happen and taking action to help it along and then waiting to see what the "Universe" brings our way?

I have been reading the book "Heart of the Visionary" which I mentioned a few posts ago, and realized that yes I do still have a dream which I have not taken action on for years. We get stuck in the "traffic" of life, literally, and just don't have time. Or worse, we forget to dream at all. For me, that "dream" is my vision of a Creative Arts Center for developmentally disabled adults. I wrote a preliminary vision plan several years ago and had attempted to get it started a few times but not with a lot of enthusiasm or perhaps the timing was all wrong, so it would go back on the shelf for a later time. This has happened several times in almost ten years. When I received the vision workbook for Christmas and started reading, I realized that perhaps the timing was now for me to take down my vision plan, get off the road, and have another look at it. In doing so I realized that indeed many of the parts of the plan were already in place to finally make this dream a reality, and I had done nothing that I could consciously recall to actually make them happen. I am sure I did, but not for the purpose of creating my dream. Or did I take certain actions on a subconscious level without even realizing it? Isn't that how the Universe works anyway? We create an idea or dream in our heads, create the plan, create the vision, and then let it go into the ether of space and let go of the outcome? Weeks, months, and even years later, circumstances then fall into place within the Divine matrix of life and create our dream for us. One day we wake up and realize that almost all the parts are there, it is only up to us to finalize the details. Sometimes it happens by changing our awareness of things. It is a very exciting concept.

In reading Shiloh Sophia McCloud's book one of the poems she quotes says this:

Be Patient
Toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves
as if they were locked rooms, or books written
in a very foreign language.
Don't search for the answers,
which could not be given to you now.
You would not be able to live them.
and the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, someday far in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Letters to a young Poet...

This so beautifully puts the concept of allowing the questions in your life, the unknowns, the mystery, to be loved as much as what we know. Keep them in our hearts as though they were books written in a foreign language..so aptly describes how some things feel when we are trying to conceptualize a vision we have. It is not always so easy to put it into words or a picture we are trying to paint. Once we can illustrate that dream, it makes it easier to see it. Once we see and feel it, it is almost there in the palm of our hands. As she says, live the questions now, and someday in the future you will live your way to the answer.

I cannot say for certainty that this time my dream will definitely manifest in my life, but it is my intention to do what it is I have to do, and can do within my power, to make it happen, and truly my hope is that the Universe will combine forces with me to put in place the necessary people, places and things, to make it manifest. If so it will be the directing force in my life for the next few years at least. It would be another example of patience becoming a virtue and also creating the dream of putting my art to use for a greater good than my own ego. It' all part of imagining our lives with vision, purpose and possibility.

Pleasant dreaming....

Women in Art

2009-01-11T21:34:00.000-08:00

This is an amazing video of "Women in Art" which I found while perusing the internet - thought it would be fun to post it on my site for your viewing pleasure.

At first glance at the title "Women in Art" implies that this will be about women "artists", not that women are the subject. Its not surprising how many artists throughout the ages have focused on women in almost every style of art from Renaissance to Modern. I guess its obvious to men anyway, that the female body is something to be desired and has certainly been a favorite subject of both men and women sculptors; and a woman's face seems to hold so much mystery and variety of expression is it any wonder it is so frequently captured on the canvas by male artists? Perhaps in an attempt to better understand them? This video montage combines famous portraits of women and through some form of magic blends them, one into the other in continuous motion. Watch as the face changes and yet the eyes stay focused as though it were the same person going through a transformation of moods.
I really loved how this was done... Hope you enjoy it too.

From the Beginning

2009-01-09T14:20:00.000-08:00

This haunting melody written by Gregg Lake of the British Rock group, Emerson Lake and Palmer, has always been one of my favorites of EL&P. The lyrics could mean many things to different people, depending on the circumstances, which is why it is such a timeless song. The lyrics were particularly meaningful to me today, and I wanted to share this brief beautiful musical journey with you too.

From the Beginning

there might have been things i missed
but don't be unkind
it don't mean i'm blind
perhaps there's a thing or two

i think of - lying in bed
i shouldn't have said
but there it is

you see it's all clear
you were meant to be here
from the beginning

maybe i might have changed
and not been so cruel
not been such a fool
whatever was done is done
i just can't recall
it doesn't matter at all

you see it's all clear
you were meant to be here
from the beginning

This is one of those songs that makes you wonder "just what did he mean"...From the Beginning?...you were meant to be here? Is he talking about a lover? or a child? It could mean a parent who has been hurtful in some way to his child, and is apologizing, or perhaps regretting saying something in a harsh way and having it be mis-understood.

This could have been my Mother talking to me, in so many years past. It was revealing to me to remember how many times in the years past -- before my Mom passed away -- that my visits back East with my Mother would always end in mis-spoken words, mis-understandings, and hurt feelings - on both our parts. There would be silence for a long period of time, and then usually one of us would call and apologize or just start talking like nothing had happened. But the truth of the matter is that the words once spoken were never forgotten. In some tiny part of our hearts there was never resolution on certain issues between us.

Maybe it is the old Mother-Daughter "stuff" that just comes up out of fear of separation, fear of loss, fear of being "insignificant" that every Mother goes through when they face the reality that their kids have just grown up anyway in spite of us. In spite of all the love and nurturing that we tried to give them growing up, our kids just eventually leave, either for school or marriage or just out on their own. It's what we raise them to do, right? Be independent souls, Spread your wings and FLY! Become all you can become.

"But don't forget where Mom is. Don't forget what I sacrificed and gave up to give you a good roof over your heads, clothes on your backs, and food on the table. Don't forget all the trips to the Zoo, and movies and how I gave up things, including a career, just to make sure you were always cared for, loved, and had what you wanted so you would not feel "different" from the other kids on the block"...

Well my Mom never actually put it in those words, but it was how I felt at times, and I'm sure my kids feel the same about me especially now that they are both married and have spouses, careers, homes and lives totally of their own choosing. I did not choose their spouses, their careers, nor their lifestyles, but I'm sure my raising of them had a large part of their value system in making those ultimate great choices. I wasn't always the best example of a "stable" person in those years I guess being raised by a "free-bird" type mother was difficult enough even though I always had a good job and insurance and made sure we always lived in good homes and neighborhoods, and as a Mom I was as involved in their lives as I dared to be without making them embarassed. I think there has always been a very fine line between them and me when it comes to boundaries. How much parenting is too much, and how little is too little? The most drastic example of that was when my daughter came home from college one summer (I was living in South Florida at the time). We went to the beach and I layed out my blanket on the sand near the girls and one of them said: "Eeew..lets move, we don't want to get Mommie Cooties!" Pretty funny at the time, but no truer words were spoken.

Well lucky for me, they all turned out pretty well in spite of me, in spite me and of our 35 moves in 20 years, and in spite of them having had to grow up in a home without a stable two parent relationship. When I became an "empty nester" early in life because I had my children early (20), so by 40 I was down to only one child at home and he was starting to push me out on my own! The reality was at that time I was ready for freedom from kids and responsibility and was ready to fly out on my own and see what life was all about. I was ready to move away from my home town as far as I could get and explore the world. No doubt I would have had a lot of fun had I done that before I had kids but maybe it all worked out as it was supposed to anyway.

Now, fast forward 20 more years and my parents have passed on, I hadn't counted on being a part of that phase of their life but it is a real eye opener when you are suddenly faced with your own mortality questions and you start looking back at your life, seeing not where you want to be exactly, but maybe re-discovering other parts of yourself that are important to revisit, dreams that you still may want to manifest, and also reaffirming things that are really important in life, like your kids who you spent so much of your life being a part of. They are your life blood connection and I don't know of any other type of relationship, including marriage, that is more truly connected on a cellular level than Mother and Child. Yes we bring them into the world and lead them for about 18 or 20 years, but we do not take them out of the world. At some level I believe - as we age there is a "homing instinct" to again be a part of their lives and share our wisdom in some way, or perhaps it is just hope, but especially when you have been separated by many miles for many years. To know that they care about you enough to include you in some of their plans and openly discuss ideas and concerns with you, not for approval but out of respect - and expect that you will not judge or criticize what they do - is only natural and fair. No parent wants to feel like they are not important or loved. It works both ways.

In my case, when I moved away from my home in New York to be in a warmer climate and also to remove myself from what I felt was an unhealthy family dynamic for too many years, my Mother threatened to disown me! She was serious! She definitely did not want to lose control over her kids and I was in my late 30's at the time! It was really upsetting but her cry was definitely "you belong HERE!" just as the song says...From the Beginning - and to the END! But I was stubborn and determined that she was not going to dictate my fate. I guess that was what really started our personal war. But truthfully in the end she and I did find peace, maybe not total understanding, but she got her way because for a brief time (five years) I did move back to New York and was there when she passed away. It was a bittersweet sadness because what I really wanted was for us to be best friends ever and especially during our lives while she was most vibrant and able to contribute to the world her talents - not have to wait until she was dying. Unfortunately she was not of the mindset that I was. I think I have harbored some of that desire to stay connected to my Mother, and transferred that to my own adult kids. I have a secret desire to be somehow connected in a business or contributing to each other's welfare, as many talented familys often do, combine forces, etc. I have a desire to be as cared about by their spouses as I care for them as well, but I have to understand that to the spouse I am still "just a Mother-in-law". The worlds worst label, ever.

My adult kids have their own mindset, goals and life experiences, and I respect that, no matter what I think. I was not inside their heads as they were growing up and their experience was totally different than mine. When there is mis-understandings, it causes tension, but some times you can't take it back, its just something you have to get over.
Like the song says: whatever was done is done, i just can't recall, it doesn't matter at all...
Some things just are....as they are. They change when your mind changes. What never changes though, for me anyway, is the love and support. It's constant, unconditional, and is the one thing that always WILL be there - From the Beginning and to the End.

With Love & Peace to all

Creative Diversions

2009-01-07T22:21:00.000-08:00

If you have been reading my blog for very long, you know I have written of my concerns with staying on course with my Art, whatever that course is. Basically, since I consider myself to be a sculptor of stone, I guess one should expect that I would be writing mostly about sculpting in stone. I feel, however, that this would be unfair to you as a reader, since, if I only talked about stone sculpting you would miss out on the "real" me - that being a passionately creative person of multiple interests at various levels of skills that I enjoy exploring to the nth degree.

Whether it is playing the piano and trying to re-master a Chopin Prelude that I haven't played in a year, baking something that I have never tried, painting a picture, working on my stone or sewing an apron, I try to put my whole being into it, and just get lost in the process. That being said, is one of the main reasons I have most likely never become a great master at any one and only one thing in life. I have always said that there are just too many crayons in the box to just color with one!

When I read about the great musicians like Beethoven, Mozart, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, and really great painters like Van Gogh, Monet and the Renaissance Sculptors like Michaelangelo, who accomplished SO much in their relatively short lives, I often wonder if they would have been as prolific in a world where there is so much coming at us every day - so much that it is extremely difficult to concentrate and focus on our gifts and talents. How much time do we waste in a day on meaningless stuff? How much more could we accomplish if we didn't have to sleep, I think!

I have several stones staring at me in my studio and I am about to finish two of them, soon, but in the meantime, just before Christmas, I went into my local coffee shop in town and someone there was showing jewelry made from - would you believe - Dominos!? She was offering a class to demonstrate how to make them for only $15 for a two-hour class. I thought it would be fun to make pendants, magnets and pins as little stocking stuffer gifts at Christmas and other times of the year. Miniature art! Who doesn't need another magnet, right? Well, I took the class and had so much fun I was afraid that I was going off the deep end again into another "craft" phase for a few weeks. Not that I needed another artistic adventure, but it is a nice diversion to learn something entirely new that you have never tried. It forges new creative pathways in the brain! Plus, they're easy to make and you have almost instant art for practically pennies.

One thing I have learned about myself and art, is that it doesn't really matter what it is you are making- or doing - it could be sculpting but it could also be just making bread, or baking a cake or as in this case, making domino art! It is the process - not the product - that counts. I have been creatively stuck for a few months now, in the sense that I feel as though I have lost my direction or focus, and there is no better way than to dawdle away your time making art - no matter what it is - to get your creative juices flowing again. Writers have discovered this same phenomenon too, that even when they are the most stuck if they can be still, sit down and write even if it is about the weather. Pretty soon your ideas start coming back and your enthusiasm about your projects takes flight again and you can see your vision with clear eyes and a clear heart.

In fact it is akin to meditation in its finest form. Philosophers talk about the mindset of "being in the flow" when we are creating something and totally intent on the process and Buddhists describe it as "Satori", or enlightenment, but also letting go of the result, we are in an "enlightened" state of mind where creative ideas just flow into our brains. This is why meditation is so good for us, but for some of us who find it harder to meditate for whatever reason, creating art or being involved in the creative process has much the same effect. When I am at my best, or can allow myself the time to sculpt I actually lose my sense of time and can work for hours without realizing it. For anyone who has other responsibilities this can be a real deterrent to creation, for creation does not like to be interrupted.

My venture into the strange world of Itty-bitty-Art with Linda K. Moore, gave me a great sense of accomplishment even though it is "art" in the pure sense, I often do not consider "crafts" to be "fine" art, which is one reason- in the past - I have never taken my craft ventures seriously. Over the years I dabbled in beadwork in many forms, stained glass construction and design, woodworking, painting, macrame, crochet, needlework, sewing, clay work, and lastly copper enameling in addition to playing the piano and I am an excellent cook and baker. I have made things that were really interesting and very nicely done since I am usually a perfectionist whenever I do anything, but none of these projects held my interest as much, once I felt I had "mastered" the technique, but what I did take away from all of them was the knowledge and value of the process. Often one technique learned in one project would help me solve a problem in another project. Everything is connected, everything is relevant. And the best part is that I am never bored with myself. I can always find something to do that is fun and interesting and rarely am I sitting idle for very long.

The pictures scattered throughout my post are photos of my Domino art and the Itty-bitty-Art pendant that I also learned from Linda K. Moore's class. If anyone is so inclined to try it, please check out her website for more information. She is an amazing artist who has truly created an "art form" from this hobby and it is her obsession.

The Domino's are created simply by coloring the background with permanent ink markers in various shades and blending the colors with Alcohol and a Q-tip or brush. After that dries you stamp an image on the domino with permanent ink and let that dry. Embellishment can be added but it is optional. I used miniature rhinestones on the Domino's to enhance the images. Later you can glue a magnet in back or a pin, depending on what you want to use it for. They were so much fun to create and I'm still thinking of how I can use the method in other ways. Its all part of the fun of living a creative life!

Anyone can do this!

Have a great day!

"The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself."
Henry Miller...

Heart of the Visionary

2009-01-05T22:47:00.000-08:00

I received a very thoughtful gift for Christmas from my daughter. She always seems to know just what I need even if I don't think I need anything any more, and I have collected so many books I have most of them packed in boxes right now, but that's another story for another time. I definitely did not need another book, but she found the book in a little store up in Mendocino, California while on one of her weekend jaunts. Its called "Heart of the Visionary" by Shiloh Sophia McCloud. The book is a collaborative effort of many women who call themselves the Cosmic Cowgirls. They have committed to helping to cultivate a dream to create a workbook and workshop designed to help women visionaries, who have an idea or dream, and a desire to make it happen--do just that. Shiloh is an Artist and a writer and has put together a great workbook for visionaries. Although I have not made much headway through the book, I am taking my time and following her instructions to skip around and digest it in small bits and make it work for me. I want to read and focus on the parts that apply or are most helpful right now. It is not a test to see how fast you can get through the book, and there will not be a "test" at the end, but its a workbook for anyone who wants to figure out just what it is that they want to do with their life, or figure out just what dreams or ideas you want to manifest. For me this is problem #1 - narrowing down the possibilities.

My daughter, I believe, knows well the challenges I have faced over the past few years and I have expressed to her, my belief that our life is a constant journey of change. Just when we think we have things figured out we are faced yet with another challenge to handle. At times it feels like we are just bobbing in a boat on the ocean of life, being pushed and pulled by the tides and blown by the winds of time. I have always tried to have a purpose driven life and yet I don't believe we can just invent things to do...having a "purpose" means we are paying attention to the signs. Paying attention to what we love and what gives back to the world, or leaves something of value behind. I think my daughter was thinking of me when she walked into the store and found this book, as I am convinced there are no accidents. I am very grateful to her for this gift. The book is helping me focus a little more on my life - right now - and whether there may be ways I could improve on it by discovering something within me that wants to be done, and maybe I'm not aware of, or I'm aware of it and ignoring it? Either way this is a good time of year to reflect on these things so the book could not have come at a better time. Timing is everything.

In the chapter on "Perspective, entitled "The Power of Originality" Shiloh uses the migratory journey of birds as a metaphor, to compare to her journey so that she could gain a unique perspective in writing about her own personal and business experiences. She encourages everyone contemplating writing their personal story to consider using a metaphor of something you particularly love and trust or that holds your interest as a way of gaining a better and more objective perspective on your thoughts. I'm still working on that, but I loved the chapter because I also love birds and was at one time a pretty avid birdwatcher. I love that she uses "Tips for Bird Watchers" to compare life lessons. For example:

1. Birds flying abilities take practice and evolve gradually. We need to take our life path steps gradually, making notes of goals we can reasonably achieve over time and taking time to observe and learn, and to stop when we are tired. This seems fairly common sensical, but how many days do we start out before dawn and don't end until midnight or later? How many rest periods do we get? If you're like me, very few.

2. Birds plan and pay careful attention to nourishing themselves both inside and out in order to achieve maximum power prior to their journeys. What must we do to nourish ourselves? This is not a luxury, but a necessity. Something I need to do more of for sure!

3. Birds live their life in a hurry with high energy which shortens their life span. We must find ways to choose our own speed limit and to determine where our energy is best focused. Gather our thoughts, ideas, set priorities for ourselves and enter it into our journals. How can we use our wisdom before we find we have to give ourselves a ticket for unhealthy, unproductive speeding? In other words: Don't spin your wheels and try to find a moment each day to reflect on what you have done, learned, or taught someone? Its ok to give ourselves credit for seemingly small accomplishments.

4. Birds sing. So should we, even if we can't carry a tune. This is an incredible way to manage stress, fight depression, increase breathing and become inspired. What songs shall we sing? Write them down and learn to sing them! Make up your own little tunes! Hum!

These are just a few of the examples she uses in her book. In closing, she includes a poems that I would love to share, as well. I believe it says it all in answer to many of us who have dreams, projects or ideas that we would like to manifest, but maybe we don't know when, where, how or IF, to start...

Finding Wings
Shiloh Sophia McCloud

The act of "finding wings" is a life-long journey
We cannot wait for inspiration to strike
or circumstances to improve.
The time to "take wing" is always
and ever, right now.
Right now, and
Right now!
We each have to find our own wing cadence.
The pattern within
that invisible force and flap.
We can practice knowing our wings will lift us when we need them.
We can pretend that we feel it even when we don't.
Especially when we don't.
Imagine that the whole gorgeous Universe has your back.
That you don't know to rely on your strength only.
That preening your feathers is vital and important work.
That expecting miracles is your spiritual practice.
In the privacy of your own bird bath
lift your wings - flap flap flap hear the sound...?
Now, look ahead...
What is it you are flying toward?
Do you see your dream up ahead?
What comes first?
The dream, or the wing?

Happy dreaming friends...

Winter Solstice-Time for Change

2008-12-22T12:07:00.000-08:00

Winter Solstice - Now is the time to change from your old life to new beginnings. Get in on the magical potential for renewed prosperity. This is the time of year to set new intentions and anticipate a successful future.

There is no other time of the year quite like the Winter Holidays. There are many Winter traditions - some ancient -- and many still practiced today. All acknowledge the end of the year, and the dawning of a new year, and with it the potential for great good fortune. Some pray, some plan, pledge and promise: This is the time of year to set new intentions and anticipate a prosperous future.

Winter Solstice is the most celebrated time of the year.
Cultures worldwide practice similar traditions: feasting, families gathering, and giving gifts. There's a sense of a deeper meaning celebrated in religions, festivities, caroling, fireside storytelling and dancing, and everyone celebrates the New Year with pledges and promises for a bright future.
Winter is a time of planning and setting intentions. Compiling several traditions shows that the actual "magical time" of year begins on about the New Moon on the 27th of November and ends about the New Moon on January 26th. That period is when you are "planting the seeds" for the kind of year that will grow into your 2009.

Winter is also a time of quiet and of personal revelations and introspection; and also of sharing and enjoying others - and the balance between the two.

How are you "planting the seeds" for your future?

· Begin now at this potent time to actively create your future success - plant the "seed feelings" you want to grow into your life.

· Law of Abundance matches up feelings or vibrations (not words and wishes) with matching experiences. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.

· If you are enjoying finding gifts and sharing your resources - you are planting "wealth". If you are fussing and feeling stressed and broke - you are planting "poverty."

· Loving all the fun food and feeling good about your body weight and health? Good! You are planting a healthy fit body...but if you are fussy and feeling fat - you'll get more of that!

· Enjoying balancing work, play and parties? Good! You'll have all the time you need to do what you love. But if you are feeling stressed....well, you know the answer. Don't do that!

· Same with people: if you want joy-filled friendships, enjoy them during this potent time. No complaining and blaming because you don't want more of that.

The key is to live RIGHT NOW as you want your year to become. Hard to do? Think about it. It's much harder to live in an entire year that is difficult, isn't it? After all - Solstice's magic time is only 60 days...and YOU CAN FEEL GOOD for 2 months - how hard is that?

NOW is the time: A few facts and a little history reveal the potency available now - to help you achieve success.
There are some natural events that are so significant that all cultures throughout time have celebrated them collectively.
Solstice is such a time. It was celebrated at Stonehenge and in Celtic monuments spanning centuries. Also marked in stone by the Mayan, Egyptian, Anasazi, Aborigine, Aztec, Inca....and back into time-out-of-mind in monuments and cultures we've long forgotten.
Most people celebrate "something" marking this time of passage: Christmas, Hanukkah, Deepavali (Duwalli), Kwanzaa, Festivals of Light, New Years and many others. You are collectively marking the natural rhythms in nature and in your own body, like the seasons and your own circadian rhythms.

Solstice is the natural phenomenon behind the festivities. Winter has the longest nights of the year and shortest days. Winter Solstice is the day the sun appears to, "stand still." From December 21st, the days become longer and the nights shorter. Six months later, the procession north stops, turns, (Summer Solstice) and again moves to the Winter Solstice point. These are the natural rhythms that cultures mark with ceremonies.

This is also the time of your body's deepest natural internal withdrawal or rhythm- just as life "withdraws" within itself in nature. It's a time to assess the years past and reflect on happenings and changes.

This is a time to remember all those who have contributed to you being where you are now: Friends, places and events of your past. Think of it all as parts of the tapestry that is weaving around you as you journey through time. It's often the most difficult and tumultuous times that give life color and depth. You certainly learned as much from your adversaries as from your friends.

Find the feelings of deep gratitude and stillness. Feel connected to everyone walking your life path with you, from the past, to the Now and into futures unknown. Feel - right now - what you want to feel in your future...and tradition assures that it will come to pass, like magic.

Your good fortune for this time: "Giving and receiving are the same. You will soon receive back the gifts you give."

The Gift of Music - Change the World?

2008-12-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

Music has the power to touch souls, bring tears to your eyes from emotions so raw that you wonder where it came from. After all, its just music? Right? Wrong.... Music does have the power to change people. Music is the one universal language that all mankind understands. Not only do we all understand it, we can feel it to our bones. Every emotion that man can feel, he can illustrate with music. All music speaks to everyone with ears to hear it, including animals. There is a song for every mood, every emotion and every culture has the ability to understand the music from another culture whether or not they understand the culture itself.

One man has set out to attempt to unite the world through music. In this beautiful video, he has done just that. This, is of course only one small part of what he is doing but in listening to the interview with Bill Moyers you will have a better understanding. I hope you appreciate it as much as I did and many thanks to Willow at "Life at Willow Manor", where I found it first. Check this out:

A Rainy Day in Paradise

2008-12-14T08:08:00.000-08:00

What better day to read a book while curled up on the sofa with a down comforter, in front of the fireplace, than one that is cold, dreary, rainy and a Sunday besides? Living in "sunny San Diego", we don't often see rain, but when we do it is kind of nice to just sit back and enjoy it by taking time off to reflect on things. My daughter just left to drive back up the coast and meet up with her husband who left last week on business. They had been visiting since Thanksgiving and it's always a little sad to see them go. Sad and Glad. I now have my refrigerator back...since they were in-between winery jobs from Napa to Paso Robles, they came with half a frig full of food to store, so Mom's place is as good as theirs. I was unable to see the back of my frig however for two weeks. Friday we spent one whole day baking six recipes of Christmas cookies together for her annual "cookie party" at her old time friend's house, and she came back yesterday loaded with what seemed like hundreds of assorted home-made goodies. Less quantities but quadruple the assortment of cookies. Nothing says lovin like something from the oven....especially when its only once a year at Christmas! One of those family "traditions" I was talking about last post.

Last night I started writing out some Christmas cards (another "tradition") to send to friends around the globe that I only contact a few times a year. Its always nice to get a note back from someone you love but don't see much. Its always a wonder what to write in such a small space...other than a few cryptic notes...I now refer my friends to my blog if they really care to know what I've been doing and thinking. Those that do will check in, those that don't, won't. Meanwhile, my friendly carved cedar Bear totem guards my front door in the rain...

Rain is so cleansing for the soul and for the earth. Its a good day to take off from the insanity of society and the roads and just meditate on life, or nothingness.

If anyone is interested in learning more about meditation and enjoy reading insightful books, some good books I have found to help develop the thought and meditation processes are: Life after Life by Raymond Moody; In the Footsteps of Gandhi by Catherine Ingram; Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh; A Still Forest Pool by Jack Kornfield and Paul Breiter; A Stormy Search for Self by Stan and Cristina Grof; The Sacred Path of the Warrior, by Chogyam Trungpa.

I have decided to re-assert my meditation practice for many reasons. First, I miss the time I used to spend alone, in front of my own personal altar, in reflection of "life", MY life, and others in my life, as well as just breathing and slowing down to think. I try to encourage others, especially my clients when I was in the business of massage therapy and healing, as to how important it is to meditate. I also realize how easy it is to get out of the habit. Bad habits are hard to break but good habits are easy to lose if you don't practice daily. It is simply exercising the brain, like walking or any physical exercise. You must be devoted to it. You must put IT first, before everything. There are no RULES, its just five or fifteen minutes a day or an hour...whatever is comfortable for you. It's not work, it's something you do for your soul.

I am always curious, and love to read all kinds of books. I also have many different interests even though art is probably the first and most satisfying thing to me, or creating something new and fun out of simple raw materials, whether it is fabric or Stone or Glass...its the creative process that counts. Meditation actually helps to focus your intentions and thoughts by practicing breathing and thoughtful silence. Our minds are constantly active and its nearly impossible to stop thoughts, but you meditate on your breath, and thereby keep going back to the breath, to focus. After a time, you can actually be in silent meditation for longer and longer periods of time. When you come back to your thoughts, you don't stay with them as long. Its easier to realize what distracts you and how meaningless most of our thoughts are. WHAT do you focus on? Thoughts become words, become actions, become reality.

I am focusing on practicing meaningful intention to work, creating productive connections in regard to my art and creating more prosperity in my life. Secondly I am focusing on creating more gratitude and a sense of wonder at all that we do have in our lives. Gratitude is like giving thanks for life - period. We can always find someone who is so much worse off that us, not that it makes life any easier to bear for our own pain and suffering, I believe it is really all in our mind, again, what we focus on, we increase. If we focus on being grateful for the cookies in life, we create more cookies. If we focus on the crap in life - we usually get more crap.

I think that's the reality, the task is to change our thoughts if we want to change our reality. To change our thoughts we sometimes have to dig really deep and start changing some of the old belief's. Open our minds to new ideas and other concepts. Life is not black and white, which some would have us think. It is full of inconsistencies, but there is a powerful pool of creative power in the Universe which if we can focus long enough to tap into, can create miracles in life. Do you believe in miracles? What about a Guardian Angel? They are there and they happen. Allow it into your mindset. Stop "thinking" long enough to hear the magic. Listen to the rain. Listen to your breath.
Yeats writes in this poem:

My fiftieth year had come and gone,
I sat, a solitary man,
In a crowded London shop,
An open book, an empty cup
On the marble tabletop.
While on the shop and street I gazed,
My body of a sudden blazed!
And twenty minutes more or less
It seemed so great, my happiness,
That I was blessed--and could bless.

To discover the capacity to bless and find gratitude in whatever is in front of us, this is the enlightenment that is intimate with all things. It is a freedom and happiness with no cause, a gift we bring to each moment and each encounter.

What a way to move through the world, to bring our blessings and gratitude on all that we touch. To learn how to bless, to honor, to listen with respect, to welcome with the heart, is a great art in itself. It is never done in grand or monumental ways, but in this moment, in the most immediate and intimate way. May we all learn to achieve a state of blessing, silence, understanding and forgiveness as a blessing and that it will allow us all to bless all around us.

As the Zen poet Basho reminds us: The temple bell stops; But the sound keeps coming out of the flowers...

Be at Peace.

Falling off the Christmas Wagon

2008-12-09T22:24:00.000-08:00

The writing wagon that is...holidays tend to do that to me. I have been preoccupied with too much "doing" and not enough "being"; too many places to go, things to finish such as projects I am making to give as gifts to friends for Christmas. I am of the old school of thought that if you can't really afford to buy someone a gift and you have something you can make, and of course know the person well enough to know what they would like, you can always make one. I love to give homemade gifts whenever I can even if it is just a box of homemade cookies or candies. Even if I could afford to buy a gift from a store, I feel like the art of giving seems lost when you go to a store and pick out some impersonal item that the person probably doesn't need or want anyway and there are thousands more of the same thing. Thinking of something the person would really appreciate and deciding to make it for them, puts your total energy and time into the gift. That is priceless.

I find myself contemplating the true meaning of Christmas a lot these days; what IS Christmas anyway? Is it only about giving? Does anyone recognize it? And why do we celebrate and why only once a year? Why not have Christmas be a holiday we could celebrate anytime? If the true meaning of the holiday is to show love and express your love in "giving" then you can do that any day.

I did not really feel like putting up a tree this year but my kids convinced me that I should. Maybe its because I have succumbed to the idea of saving trees and a few years ago bought a small artificial tree. Besides not being very romantic, it is at least politically correct....it is a green tree in the truest sense, no trees were harmed in the making of this tree and no part of the environment will be ruined for at least five years while the tree is being used. Of course after five years or so, when the colors tend to fade and it looks pretty shabby, then you need a "new" artificial tree. But what happens to the old one? If you just dump it then you are polluting the environment. Which is worse? - cutting down a tree that was grown for the purpose of being a Christmas tree and then re-cycling it into mulch; or trashing the environment with a "fake" tree with absolutely no soul at all? It doesn't know why its a "tree" or for what purpose it was brought here.

I think the joy that a Christmas tree brings is all in our minds. Having a tree, whether its a beautiful natural tree or a faux one, doesn't matter. Once the tree is decorated with love and attention, and lit so it glows in the room, all of that fades. Christmas trees invoke special family times spent throughout our whole lives. Maybe that's what its supposed to do....isn't that what "tradition" is? Why we have the same meal every year, turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, etc., etc...? to invoke the feelings of something from the past?

What I totally despise is the commercialization of Christmas and all of the holidays in general. Consumerism is at its worst when you cannot go into a grocery store or a drug store without being bombarded even months before the holiday with reminders to buy this and buy that. It gives me great joy to resist at all costs, in fact one of the reasons I love to make gifts for my special friends and family when I can is that I know they are getting something that is one of a kind, and they appreciate my efforts. Giving a gift from the store only shows that I went to a store and bought something I thought they wanted, but it does not express my true love for them, that I gave of my own time and energy to create something that no one else in the world has, which to me is what Christmas is all about. That's what a gift should represent--the time and thought you put into making something unique to that person only.

Pictured here are some of the hand-made ornaments on my tree which have been there year after year. It is always a surprise to find them in the box of ornaments and remember how they got there. Such as this pine-cone angel.

Some of my most cherished items are those small handmade gifts that my children made and gave to me when they were small and could not afford to buy anything. I have saved them all and find them so special even today. Each year I try to find time to make them something special as well just to keep the tradition going. Sometimes it requires starting in June to complete in time, but it is worth it and very satisfying to give someone something that they will hopefully treasure in some way years later after I'm gone.
They are not perfect, but that is what gives them their special charm and personality. One of a kind, each one represents a single, special moment in time when someone I love cared enough to take their time to make something, thinking only of me and how much I would love it. Those are the true gifts of Christmas.

Wishing you all Happy Holidays!

Artists by the Sea

2008-11-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

A Grand Opening

Saturday, Nov. 16th was the grand opening for "Artists by the Sea". A new gallery in the beautiful little town of Cardiff, California with a fantastic view of the ocean. This little gallery is owned and operated by three very energetic and ambitious women who have families besides their newly acquired family of artists.

I am very happy to be a part of their family of artists that are featured in their gallery. A small but very well put-together gallery in a brand new building at 111 Chesterfield, Cardiff by the Sea, CA 92007.

They have done a great job of designing the gallery to include two full-time working artist studio spaces and a teaching room for classes. They are open seven days a week for maximum exposure.

The works they display are paintings, sculpture, jewelry, metal art, crystals,
mixed media, music,
hand blown glass,
photography and
other unique works
of art.

Paintings by Alex Sample

Weather was fabulous as always, and there
was even a beautiful sunset!

I hope you enjoy some of the photos from the
evening's event. If you are in the area
stop by and check us out.

Harley Art

and

"Nirvana" by
moi........

Quest for Renewed Health

2008-11-16T20:57:00.001-08:00

I'm always searching for new ways to be healthy. I am fortunate to have acquired good healthy genes from Hungarian, Czechoslovakian, French and German ancestry, how could I go wrong? However I find that as I get older, my body is asking me to re-define the way I eat, exercise and I am constantly trying to readjust my self image. What I feel like inside and mentally, does not reflect in the mirror. How sad! Now I know the meaning of the quote that youth is wasted on the young. If I had only had the wisdom I now have in my youth! Oi vey....I would be unstoppable!

I recently purchased a juicer and just love the taste of freshly juiced fruits and vegetables. I find many mornings I just don't have the time or desire to eat a large breakfast but the fresh juice give me the energy I need to stay alert and active and juice doesn't bog down my internal machinery.

There are many juicers on the market but I went with the Jack LaLanne juicer because it is not too expensive and is highly rated. It also looks pretty neat on the counter so I don't feel like I have to hide it from view. It came with two little recipe books but you can also find great recipes for ways to use the pulp in cooking and baking. I hate to throw out anything so I put the pulp into a plastic container in the refrigerator and am adding it a little bit at a time, to my dog's meals and they love it. It also keeps them healthier by giving them the fruits and vegetables best part--the rinds-- in an easily digestible pulp form. I also baked banana bread last week using part of the pulp from carrots and apples in the bread....it turned out fantastically moist and tasty.

Also the most fun part is that I have discovered a new art form! Although I don't normally play with my food, as you can see by this photo, it happened quite naturally.

Last Sunday I was making breakfast by blending apples, pears, celery, carrot and beets, and this is what it looked like after it was ejected from the juicer into the glass pitcher! This is just before I stirred it all together. Beautiful art inspiration with food!

Highly recommended!

The Love of Having Fun

2008-11-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder why I don't go out more often. I find myself too comfortable with my my daily routines and lack of routines which dictate my life and yet when I disrupt the norm, I am always SO glad I did. Like, for example what happened this weekend.

I LOVE music, especially live bands, and I am blessed to live in a town where live music is abundant, almost everywhere you go. In tiny tucked-away coffee shops you can find live musicians playing almost every Friday, Saturday eve or Sunday mornings, and larger downtown cafe's and restaurants wouldn't think of not having live music.

One of my best and oldest friends was visiting this past weekend and an old friend of hers was in town with her husband to promote a new CD she had just cut. An amazing woman, Christina Fasano, or better known as that "Funky White Girl", who now goes by the name Cee Cee James, sings with her whole body, heart and soul. She combines the sound of blues, rock, funk and soul all in one stupendous voice and she has the heart of a true angel. She met my friend over ten years ago while they were on a vision quest in the desert of California with an organization called The School of Lost Borders. Ever since that time Christina's career and personality have blossomed into the beautiful and successful person she is now.

My son, Todd, who is developmentally disabled, loves music and of course we brought him with us that night. He was particularly drawn to Christina and couldn't stop going over to shake her hand during the break and tell her how much he liked her songs. Another band was playing while Christina had a chance to mingle with her fans and sell CD's so I went over to say hello and tried to get my son on the dance floor to dance, but he couldn't keep from eyeing Christina. I suddenly realized he didn't want to dance with Mom, but he wanted to dance with the pretty lady. I was afraid that he was bothering her but Christina didn't miss a beat. She grabbed Todd by the hands and off they went. Dancing around the floor in square-dance style, to the jazzy beat of the band. Todd was beaming from ear to ear and just couldn't stop laughing. I don't know when I have seen him so happy. Christina's joyous attitude was so infectious pretty soon she had half of the dance floor in on their dose-does and twirling around. Needless to say she has made a fan for life. Todd got his CD and was so happy. Such a small thing to do but what an effect it had on him.

Most of the time, Todd is pretty shy about dancing, but this evening he sure came out of his shell, thanks to the spontaneity and warmth of a truly exceptional human being that Todd was drawn to because of the love in her heart. It always touches me when people who are used to being in the spotlight can stop for one sincere moment and just allow someone like Todd to take center stage by giving him their full attention. Todd lives in the moment, he does not live his life worrying about how he looks, or what people will think, or if he knows how to dance or even whether or not he is "interrupting someone", he only lives in "the moment". He doesn't know about "fame" or "stars"; to him everyone is equal. In personal interactions with people, he knows if he is polite and kind to people, then there are no other conditions necessary. He is usually only concerned with telling people "to have a nice day" and that he thinks "they are a nice person" or that in the case of Christina "he really liked her songs". Todd is a constant reminder for me, to stay in the present moment and not let my mind go wandering too far off into space, which I have been known to do at times.

At the end of the night I got this priceless picture of Christina saying goodby to Todd with a little peck on the cheek. You can see by his innocent expression he didn't quite know what to make of this. We all enjoyed a wonderful night of music and entertainment. So much better than sitting at home. If anyone is in the area, I highly recommend The Downtown Cafe, in El Cajon. The food and service is fantastic and they usually have a great band playing.

Unfortunately we won't see Christina for awhile because she lives in Washington State, but hopefully she will make it down here again some day. And if you are in to funky music, please check out some of her music on her website, click on the audio button.

Thank you Christina for being such a breath of fresh air!

We love you!

A Perfect Love

2008-11-06T22:26:00.000-08:00

A friend I know is looking for the "perfect" person to love, and joined one of those on line dating services. I asked him "how's that going". He basically said that he didn't think he would be able to find anyone who was totally compatible on every level. I said "there is no such thing" for I believe perfection is always in the eyes of the beholder, and even if you found someone whom you think is perfect, they may not return the feelings.

Are you perfect? Don't you need someone to understand you? I said that I don't need someone to understand me, just to accept and love me as I am, and whether I agree with everything they say and do and believe in does not matter if I love them and they love me. I would not want a carbon copy of me in the person I love. I would want someone who is his own person, who knows who he is and what he believes in and stands up to fight for what is right. That person would be so busy doing what he loves that he would not have time to find fault with me, and I likewise.

When you are busy doing the stuff of life that you so love, and that energizes you to be who you are here to be, you don't look around at others finding fault. You are a DOER, and a giver, not a taker and a whiner. When you are doing what you love, you are happy and make others happy by sharing that love. It can't help just pour out of a person who is in love with life and just being.

Anyway, its fine for me to talk since its been years since I have been "in love" with anyone other than my kids, my life, my art, my gardening, my pets, and just being alive every day. Just putting one foot in front of the other enjoying each moment, and trying not to look too far ahead and think about what is "missing" in my life. I'd rather try to manifest the magic by thinking about what I DO want in my life instead of worrying about what is NOT there. Maybe that way the perfect person for me will appear in my life. All it takes is putting the focus on what you want and living true to yourself in the meantime. And maybe a little help from above wouldn't hurt.

Peaceful Coexistence

2008-11-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

What We Can Learn from the Animals

I love my animal friends. Annie the cat, is actually a newcomer in our house. Oscar the dog thinks he is the boss of everyone but is really just the resident male. He is a lovable, silly Labrador mix who came into my life almost ten years ago from Labrador Rescue. I have dragged Oscar all over the country with me and he is my best buddy and pain in the neck at times but I don't think my life would be the same without him.

The first thing I did for Oscar when I adopted him was to take him to obedience classes because he definitely needed to learn manners. It was also a great way for us to bond by learning the joys of teaching via "clicker" method. At one point I realized that it was me who was being trained, not the dog! But chewing on my new shoes and anything in his reach was definitely not a good thing and by taking these classes Oscar eventually learned the difference between his toys and mine. After he managed to pass obedience with flying colors, I took him to therapy dog classes so he could become certified as a therapy dog. Oscar had shown from the beginning that he had a natural gift with people, which is one of the reasons I loved him from the beginning. In therapy class it took two tries before he mastered all the commands and different phases of training, but he finally came through on that one too. Oscar now had a profession!

He has been a wonderful companion dog over the years, visiting with me at the home where my Dad lived shortly before he passed on, and then later where my Mom lived it was a joy to see how the people brightened up and looked forward to Oscar's weekly visits. A dog can sense emotional things that humans cannot and has a way of knowing when to stick his nose in your face and when to back off. I've often said humans can learn a lot by raising a Dog. I have seen Oscar gently stand by a person's wheelchair while the person, attempted in their own difficult way to pet him, but what would usually end up for him being banged on top of the head, unintentionally of course, but he would just stand by and allow the person to do the best they could to make contact with him. For some, who could not react by petting him, he would just lay his head gently on their knee and look up into their eyes. Some form of communication was going on because often a little tear would fall from the eyes of my Dad, when he did that. My Dad loved dogs when we were kids, and seeing Oscar always made him happy.

Later on, I had a back injury and had to have surgery on my back. I didn't know how I would ever manage to take care of the dog with no help, but the dog ended up being my savior. He was constantly by my side, and often when I could not get out of bed for days other than to let them out and feed them, he would jump up on the covers and push his back against my back to comfort me. Up to that point I had never allowed him on the bed, but when he knew I was sick, all bets were off on that one. Luckily I had a full recovery in time and I owe it partly to the fact that even though it was hard for me to get up and walk right away, it was the one thing that forced me out of bed and on my feet, and resulting in a faster recovery than if I had layed around for months doing nothing. Having the responsibility of someone who depends on you is a great healer.

Three years ago my son, who is developmentally disabled, came to live with us again and Oscar and Heaven are a blessing for him. He has an autistic spectrum disorder and having the dogs around create an aura of peace and love for my son like no other. When he is having a bad day it is usually because he gets "off track" and the dogs know it and are right there by his side. They say nothing but they do by their presence, what no person can do. They have a way of calming him and putting his mind back into the present moment. If Todd is getting "stuck" or just refuses to move forward on something, Oscar will go into his "silly" act, jumping on his bed, or laying on the floor and rubbing his back on the floor, making silly gestures. This usually makes Todd laugh and gets him out of his "mood". The dogs are fantastic and truly a blessing in this regard.

Oscar on Left - Heaven on the Right
The second dog in our family was Heaven. She is also an adoptee from the Golden Retriever Rescue which I was foster mom for a few years. When Heaven arrived I knew it would be a lifetime connection with her too. She has the most angelic personality of any animal I have known since Oscar. Heaven's history was that she had been raised by a breeder in Canada originally and then placed in a "forever" home to live out her retirement from breeding. However her forever home ended up having to place her with a rescue group because of family problems, and this often happens. I took her in, and loved her from the first moment. She was, at first, extremely nervous and shy and it was a month before she would even leave the kitchen where her bed was. Finally after much coaching and coaxing, she wandered into the living room one night and jumped up on the couch with me. It was the beginning of her transformation. She was nine years old then, and has now just turned 14. She is still the same loveable and sweet dog, just older. Her heart is weaker, her eyes have cataracts, her hearing is not so good any more, but I still love her and treat her with the utmost respect she deserves as an old girl. She gets groomed regularly, and looks beautiful. She is happy and bounces around the kitchen whenever there are treats or dinner preparation going on, she loves to be petted and brushed, and her favorite thing is to bring me a toy at the dinner table, expecting a little snack. Of course I know its not good to feed dogs at the table but how can anyone resist that face!

Oscar is the most tolerant dog I have ever known, and the most gentle and silly with other animals too. When Annie came into our lives this was a new thing for him. Annie is my daughter's cat who we acquired last June because she and her husband were on a trip to Europe and did not have anywhere for Annie to stay. So I sort of cheerily volunteered. I've owned cats before but Annie is her own person. Historically she has been a very aloof cat, but when she got to my house she suddenly became the new boss in town. No place is out of bounds for her, if she wants to go there; in front of my computer the minute I turn it on, on top of my desk, under the bed, in the shower, sitting on the living room couches and windowsills, and the dogs just wonder where the heck she gets off going there. She will get on or off my lap whenever and if she feels like it. But that's just the way cats are! When it comes to the dogs, well, she just barely tolerates them. Oscar though is no pushover and will not be ignored. He is always in her face trying to get her to play. Annie of course doesn't really mind but she won't let him know it. The photo of them laying together separated by the wall, says it all. They like each other but want to keep some "space" between them. Oscar doesn't seem to mind. He is patient and will wait for the day when Annie will be sleeping right next to him. He knows he will win her over eventually, just like he won over Heaven. The two of them wait for each other to go outside and they love to go on walks together. It is a peaceful coexistence, with respect and dignity for all....each respecting each others food bowls, and space to sleep. They share their toys and their love for everyone, willingly giving love to all who give it back, and sometimes to those who don't give it back. I guess this is a good code to live by for all of us.

G'day for now!

Words to Live By

2008-10-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

What Matters Most

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me whom you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

........ Oriah Mountain Dreamer

What the heck are we doing here¿?

2008-10-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

"What if the moments of the greatest wounding in your life were also places where the Divine crossed your path and the unquenchable dream of your life was born?"

There is nothing that drives the human mind more than what is called an incomplete gestalt--an unmet need for closure of some kind. Imagine seeing a pad of paper lying near you with nothing drawn on the page but an incomplete circle. Imagine hearing just this much of the song: "Somewhere over the.."

Dawna Markova says in her book "I Will not Die an Unlived Life" under "Let our wounds become our teachers": if your purpose is only about you, it has no branches. If it is only about the rest of the world, it has no roots. Learning that the moment when our essential needs were not met in some very basic way, holds the possibility to unfold our gifts. Wouldn't it be a good joke if the worst that has happened to us holds the possibility of bringing the best in us to the world?"

Its always easy to look back twenty years or more, and say "Ahhh yes, this situation turned me in this direction and look how well that turned out", or "if this or that had not happened I would not have done such and such". But I believe it's not how well our life turns out, or even what direction we are moving but rather, what is our purpose? Do we even have one other than to exist day to day? putting one foot in front of the other. Surviving one ordeal after another. Going to our jobs, tending to the daily routines that we all have. This is not to say we all have mundane existences, but is it fair to say that the job of life becomes mundane when it offers no purpose, or passion that ultimately leads to some greater purpose other than to exist?

Or perhaps I am just trying to find some greater purpose for my own existence than just "existing", as a mother, as an artist, as a person who has many interests and passions that I love to explore? What do I contribute to the world? What am I giving back? How are my choices, and actions either contributing or contaminating the global perspective of the universe? Or do my actions and thoughts, collectively, culminate in some greater good? Is it even important? Who judges us? Or do we judge ourselves?

Maybe I am just a worry-wart who also happens to be a bit of a hedonist but wants to do the right thing all the time, someone who believes that existing for the sake of existing is not enough. Life is full of fun and beautiful things to enjoy so why go through life feeling bad? and doing things that make us feel bad are not fun! They take the fun OUT of life for me.

Once a free-bird always a free-bird. Seeking my purpose? Where am I going and what do I want to accomplish - or give back - to the world? Is being a good mother enough? What about my art? Does it have a purpose? Does it even
need a purpose? I exist - I create - therefore I am?

Its not my job to tell other people what they should or should not be responsible for, but I do believe that it should be required of each individual by themselves...not anyone else..to look within, discover what truly has meaning in your life and pursue it with passion.

I have thought many times that perhaps "my purpose" should be guided to help others, because I am a mother to a child with a disability and a sister to a child with a disability. I have been "touched" by this ability to be compassionate and involved without feeling like a victim but also to be an activator, one who could motivate others. But as a Reiki healer and massage therapist, even though I am able to use this to help others, I found working with the disabled too close to home. It is all just a little too overwhelming. But as an artist, I find my passion and solace. Art is a creative act, not necessarily requiring any compassion and in fact it is a totally selfish pleasure. I derive so much peace in the creative activity of making things that the challenge is to create something that also tells a story, makes a point, or in a subtle way, targets a feeling in someone that words would not do. Thus allowing the art to be a catalyst for change. Its a
challenge only because that part of it is guided by intent, rather than intuition, and as a free-spirited, intuitive artist, one resists creating "on purpose", which is why I chose early on not to become a commercial artist. I believe creating
art for "sales" or "market driven art" is not conducive to intuitive creativity. But I believe it is possible to have a motive
for your art creations, or purpose if you will, as the driving force behind what you create therefore allowing that force to direct your outcome.

To be more goal oriented, in other words,to have an underlying agenda for my art, just as I seek to find more purpose in my own life is not required, but to me it is important. Is it necessary that my creations, whether it be paintings or sculptures, support some common "community" interest? I'm not sure, and I'm not sure how my own ideas will manifest in the future, but it is my intention, or, my current vision in the making. Making a difference somehow, for a cause, is a goal and a challenge that I believe I am up to. Being a victim and waiting for life to happen to me has never been in my vocabulary and I will not allow myself to do less than what I know I am capable of. Dream big! Believe in impossibilities!

Hopefully, by posting my intention to pursue this goal as the next chapter of my artistic journey, I can set something in motion. Surely nothing happens without action or intention. Inertia has been trying to creep into me for the past several months, but I resist with every day's intention to move, walk, write and think. I am familiar with this from past times in my life, we resist change, we resist doing things that we know are often challenging and difficult because they are in an unknown field of energy. But just intending our new goals, is enough to drive out the indecision, the doubts and start "doing"....

Keeping on!

On Family, Principles and the United States

2008-10-04T23:44:00.000-07:00

"Everyone in such a hurry-going somewhere too fast.
Life passes by in a blur. Did you even notice the
beautiful painting God's angels placed in the sky
over there by the Moon? for us to ponder?
if only for a fleeting moment. Nature waits for
no one.
If only we would take the time to notice"

"A Letter to my kids" This letter was originally written on 10/01/01, not too long after the 911 disaster in New York and seven months after the passing of my Father. I was living in Upstate NY at the time, and the subject of patriotism was on the lips of almost every person I saw. It occurred to me that I had never really thought much about affirming my patriotism in writing, but I knew I had very deep seated feelings about it, so decided to write this letter to my two youngest children in California. Somehow it got buried in my file of various writings, only to be uncovered recently and revised. After reading it I felt it was still somewhat timely and have decided to post it. Feel free to comment.

"My Thoughts on Family, Principles and the United States"

I think all of this talk of peace and allegiance to the country and to each other (i.e. meaning total strangers) does no one any good unless it is also extended to our closest neighbors, our brothers and sisters and to our children and parents who also have pain and suffering. For the core of this country was built on the strength of the family and community bonding.

My grandparents came to this country with nothing but the clothes on their backs, their two hands and the principles embedded within them from their parents, and they succeeded in helping to the best of their ability, to build one of the greatest countries in the world, because they believed to the core, that this WAS the greatest country in the world. A country they were willing to die for, to become a citizen of, and they did not object to flying the American Flag proudly or saying the Pledge of Allegiance to the country, under God, indivisible, as did my generation every morning in school before we did anything else. Giving thanks for our country and freedoms was not such a bad thing to do. Showing gratitude opens the door for more grace I believe. Maybe our country could use more of that these days.

I have witnessed the decline of patriotism in this country for many years and often wondered where it would lead. Apparently, to a generation of children who have not been taught what they have. To a generation of youngsters and people who have simply known NO other way of life, and tend to take it all for granted, through no fault of their own, and many who have no relatives who had to fight for their freedom.

Many of our grandfathers died in the mines while building this country, like my own grandfather, or in work camps, but they did so because they wanted a better life for their children and grandchildren than what they had in their countries, and willingly gave their life's blood to build this country. During World War II their sons fought by the thousands and died or came home wounded, to protect our freedom, so their children would have a better life than they had. Then there was Korea, and Viet Nam. Each in the name of "freedom". Every parent in America wants a better life for their children than they have but it does not work unless they also teach the children how precious their easily inherited freedoms are. Then there is the debate about what constitutes a "better life".

Those who came here before us did not have electric toasters, televisions and computers and John Deere Tractors. They built this country with savage skills and bare energy, brute force and the basic elements of this Earth. What they did have was more valuable than electric appliances and computers, what they brought with them was what makes America so untouchable.

It was their internal courage and strength of character and simple faith, belief in themselves, their creativity, and hope for a greater tomorrow; something that cannot be bought, it cannot be bartered, and it cannot be rubbed off from your friends. If you have it, it is because you have learned or inherited it from your parents and their parents or you learned it from truly believing in your SELF and never giving up on your dreams. If you do NOT have these basic strengths of character, you have either not been taught it or you have forgotten it.

True character and belief in oneself cannot be won or earned by fighting more wars, being hostile to our perceived enemies and through more killing. Character is built by being true to his or her highest principles and beliefs at all times. Are these values that are still looked up to in this country or put down?

I believe, like my parents believed, that one must be willing to give him or herself totally in submission to your core belief's whatever they are, and not be afraid of being swallowed up in that submission. By doing so you may be giving to others, but you are also giving to yourself. When you stand for your beliefs you make a stand for all in the name of that belief. Good can only come of it in the end. Too many people just don't know what they believe, and constantly look outside themselves for validation.

We all fight internal wars each and every day. How we choose to fight and how we choose to BE is the important thing. The man or woman should be equal to or greater than the battle or the battle will win. How does one fight the emotional battle? You can't. You will always loose because the emotional battle is within and WITH your SELF. Sometimes, dealing with emotional battles can only be won by being alone. It is then, you learn to confront and know the self, understand the weaknesses and forgive them. You also learn your strengths. You are judged by no one, and you have only yourself to live up to. That can be a very enlightening experience or it can be a frightening experience. Some of us need that from time to time to regain inner strength, balance and courage; things which we may have temporarily forgotten.

We must be willing to die for our beliefs (not literally) but that they SO become who we are-and we become them (our principles and beliefs) that no one can take them away from us. What dies in us are the false beliefs.

If we believe in freedom and truth, dignity and honesty, charity and good will-all these things become part of who we are, our inner nature, and we become one with these values as we practice them. When we know ourselves, its not so easy for others to convince us otherwise.

Why is there so much contradiction in the world today? because many people in this country do not really know who they are and what they stand for. They seem to need someone or some THING to tell them how they should feel and think (people like the news media or advertisements on TV and tabloid magazines). They have forgotten what it feels like to have a tear roll down their cheek as they say the Pledge of Allegiance and watch the flag as it flies proudly against the sky, remembering a deceased parent who died and fought in the War, or to sing the words of "America the Beautiful". In other words, to really feel a connection to "our" country, the land which represents our freedom to really be all that we can be. A free country founded on honest values by people who were not perfect but who had a vision of perfection, designed so each person could could have the freedome to obtain their highest goals without interference from the Government and to live without fear of other countries attack on us. A nation undivided in that mission. A beautiful country that I personally travelled back and forth over many times, felt the earth, walked on Glaciers in Alaska, pitched stones in the waters of Lake Superior, wandered the beaches of California and Florida, and froze in the snow of Upstate New York. Is it possible to live here your entire life and know how much human blood has been shed on our soil in the name of justice, freedom, truth and love and NOT feel connected? I think not.

I am saddened to think now, that our way of life as we know it, no matter how many wars we get involved in, cannot be protected just by loving our country and being a loyal and good citizen. Our liberties - justly won, for a nation that has flourished because of its freedom, is now at risk of losing those liberties for the sake of security and the beliefs of a very negative element in our country at this time. A great man once said that "a country that is so willing to give up its liberties to gain security deserves neither"....This makes one think twice about what is happening today. We must always be mindful of just what it is that we are yielding TO. Never become so complacent that we lose our ability to see the truth no matter how cleverly it is disguised.

Lovingly and proudly a third generation American.

Is Life but a Chess Game?

2008-09-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

"After the game, the king and pawn go into the same box".

This is a great old Italian proverb that I have heard many times in different ways. Years ago a college professor I worked for at the University of Rochester School of Medicine whom I respected for his brilliance and always called him "Dr. Berg..." one day came to me and said: "Ilona, please call me by my first name, George, because you know....we all put our shoes and pants on the same way". I was surprised, but also realized he was giving me a gift of respect by saying he was not better because he had a Ph.D. and I did not. My contribution to the world was just as worthy of respect as his. It was a valuable gift that I hope I passed down to my children.

I hope it stuck with them as it did with me. I had been raised to respect authority figures and people who have distinguished themselves with higher education and positions of authority--out of respect. I respected my parents and grandparents too, but did not always agree with them. I was also taught to respect people for what they do and not what they say or what position of power they are in. That goes for friends, teachers, doctors, religious people, people of the law and especially politicians. I'm glad I learned that young because over the years I worked for professors, doctors, lawyers, scientists, and politicians. I respected them all, and treated them with respect deserving of their positions, no more and no less.

When I left the "business" world and entered the world of alternative healing, I thought that the people in this profession to be another breed unto themselves. Initially wondering if I even belonged there, I soon realized I was with like minded souls very quickly. Most of us were people searching for a new life...breaking away from the corporate world of "rules" we were all forging ahead into the unknown. Coming from every conceivable background, everyone was excited to be doing something that was healing to us most of all, and that when we went into the world of work, we would be offering ourselves for a profession greater than ourselves. The first few years were a real financial challenge but after many years of travel and learning, I fell into a comfortable place where I felt secure knowing I had a space to work in that afforded me five full days of work with a schedule almost fully booked every week, even into six weeks out at certain times of the year. The other two days were devoted to my sculpting--which was just budding then. I also gave myself a day a week devoted just for my business chores.

My years in the business world helped me to relate with my clients as "real people" with "real health issues" and not Mr. or Mrs. this or that title. In my office people left their titles outside and I, as well. Ego's have no place in the healing world on either side. My clients felt comfortable with me because I related to them with friendliness and compassion and my focus was for their healing in their own time, not mine. I firmly believed that anything is possible, and healing does not distinguish between a person's education, background or professional title. It is the purest form of energy exchange when two people can work together for the same goal but one is the receiver and the other the transmitter of healing energy in honesty, compassion and the highest good of all.

If the entire world worked like this we would have no wars, because everyone would have the best interest of all in mind, not only what is "in it" for them; we would have no greed because the heart has no desire for more than it needs; we would not have wanton killing of helpless animals who have no desire to harm anyone; we would not have a financial crisis because a few people are here to prosper for their own good only, and we would have no need for any government intervention because people would just "do the right thing" by their own conscience and not need anyone standing over them with a bat forcing them to "do it my way". Acceptance of other points of view would allow men and women to succeed at their own pace and not feel they have to "measure up to someone else's standard of excellence" but all would strive to a standard of excelllence naturally that does not take away from someone else but gives back what it takes from the world.

I know this is all idealistic phoo phoo...and a lot of you probably think I'm some kind of spiritual airhead and not very realistic, but I don't get why our world seems to be in such horrific disarray these days. IF it all has to do with the fact that we are in a hot political year, I can understand it because all of the political and media world seems to be so ego oriented that it sets the stage for all kinds of negativity and mind games. But the whole of our world is off course. Maybe I'm feeling it more than most folks but maybe not. I have not even been able to post on my site lately, out of fear of sounding too negative, and indeed I know there is plenty of beauty in the world to be grateful for, so I will try to forego the philosophy 101 lesson today.

What I have done this week is to create an altar for prosperity, thanks to a good internet friend of mine from the website"Angels in the Whirlwind" and I am expecting very positive results from that. I started a walking regime two weeks ago and when my legs start to recover from the beating that one mile a day is giving them, I will tell you if that is helping or not. And yesterday I finally took some well deserved R&R time and went to Quail Botanical Gardens about five miles from me and spent about two hours walking through the beautiful gardens, looking at the gardens, the water features and 22 beautiful outdoor sculptures that are on display there. (See photo of Lion at the top of the page).

Some of the sights in the Garden": This white flower is a very rare type of tropical plant that is like a shooting star....very beautiful and is in the tropical forest part of the gardens.

All throughout the gardens are colors and fragrances
of flowers blooming everywhere. Many have already passed and many are in full colors.

Color abounds in the variety of sculptures, ponds, water features and places to sit and just enjoy the peaceful surroundings. Since it was Tuesday, the garden was nearly void of visitors, the parking lot nearly empty, so I had the gardens virtually to myself. It was heavenly; just what I needed to connect back to nature.

I hope you enjoy some of the sights and sounds too!

No tropical garden is complete without the lily pond.

"Nature, in its own perfection seeks nothing extra...

Air, Sunshine, Earth and Water...all exist to complete Mother Nature's perfect creations, the plants and flowers.

They, in turn, exist to give back to nature, to the soil, to the air, to us...both in oxygen so we may breathe, and in beauty to restore our soul.

A sight to behold.....

and sounds of natures perfection....

The Way?

2008-09-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

A human being is part of the whole, called by us "the Universe." Our task must be to widen our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty............ Albert Einstein

In my studies and reading on "The TAO" I came across this by Huang Po:

Question: What is the Way and how must it be followed?
Answer: What sort of thing do you supposed the Way to be, that you should
wish to follow it?

Many people ask about "The TAO of Stone"...what do I mean by the TAO? The TAO is not a thing - it is a Way...a way of being, not something to follow, as the answer above explains. It is not a religion or a particular philosophy but I believe perhaps the word philosophy describes it best as describing what the Way IS but in and of itself it is UN-describable. One Taoist master said that if you can describe the TAO, then it is not the TAO. It is a sense of being in spirit with all that is. Deep compassion for "the ten thousand things" or in other words, all of nature and life and being "in tune" "receptive", or at a state of total acceptance, or non resistance to what IS.

Think of a rock...or a stone lying in a quarry in Tuscany, Italy. It is there for perhaps hundreds of years, undisturbed until one day someone comes along and removes it. This person then packs it on a pallet, and it is shipped over the ocean to New York, and subsequently later shipped on to California and ends up in a stone supply warehouse in Escondido, California. There it sits at the bottom of the pile until--along comes me.

Now I am what is considered a "direct" stone carver, one who carves by feeling and touch, rather than forcing an
object out of just any old stone. So when I search for a stone, the stone has to speak to me. Not literally, but something in the stone does grab me, or attracts me to it. When you have found a special piece you just know. The subject of the stone sculpture is already there in its "essence" and you see it with your heart. That is what I mean by following "the TAO" of the stone. It is the only way I can sculpt, or create a new piece. I must be in touch with the material.

The latest piece I created, which I have been talking about for the past few weeks, "Another Side of My Self" was an interesting piece because I did not know I was going to create it until very recently. Unlike many of my sculptures or mosaics especially, I think about them for months in advance and often have the entire concept already completed in my head. This time was different. I was recently selected to show three other works of art that I currently have finished, in a show at Bistango Restaurant in Irvine, California http://www.bistango.com/ from October through January. The owner asked if I could create another mosaic to go with the piece entitled Mirrored Image which they had selected as one of the pieces for the show: http://www.passinogallery.com/pages/gallery_14.html Being that I really wanted to do the show, I said yes, but knowing also that I only had six weeks to complete the piece gave me a little bit of a challenge. Normally I take three months at least to complete a large mosaic because I don't work on them full time. I work a few hours a day or up to six hours max. It may look like you are just cutting glass and gluing the pieces on randomly but there IS a pattern and a method to create the right effect. I try to pace myself to avoid becoming burned out. Stay focused but also keep my mind open and fresh and above all, have fun with it. Nothing ruins a piece of art more than monotony or pressure to complete.

The challenge was in developing the concept from the beginning. No artist works totally without a design even if it is just in their head. I work with a conceptual idea or what I want to convey with my work, and basic and very simple sketches initially. I then determine my general color scheme and what materials I will use. With a mosaic, which needs to be built out of a variety of materials to create the basic structure, the glass is the last thing to go on, but also the most effective and essential for the right effect. You have to know what the piece will look like finished in order to put the mosaic together correctly, as it is not something you can change once the grout is done. That is the final product.

Unlike stone, where you don't have any idea what the finished product will look like when you start, you work totally
by intuition, feel and touch. The concept begins to develop as you work and sketch as you go along. Once the basic
structure is developed then it is much easier to finish but it all takes time and just a lot of trust. The final product in stone is a much more time consuming and tedious project and it is very doubtful that I could finish a stone sculpture in five weeks, but not impossible, providing the stone cooperates.

And last of all, being in the "now" or present moment, also helps when you are working with art. If your mind is wandering all over the place that doesn't work. It is very important to stay grounded and if you are not really grounded, try working with stone. Nothing connects your energy field to Mother Earth like Stone! Glass is close, but not the same. When I work in glass I feel the energy of Fire, more than Earth, which is why it helps to have a fountain nearby to help calm you, and I also play music while I am working , usually either classical or Native American Flute music. For me it is the best way for me to lose track of time and just be in the flow of my work.

So today I finished putting all of the last pieces of glass on my sculpture, and grouted it completely. All in all it was about six hours of work-just for today. Grouting takes a long time and there is much tedious cleanup and polishing required to make it perfect. It is not something you can do in a hurry or you risk ruining all your hard work. Remember we are working with tiny pieces of glass that are as small as 1/4 of and inch in some cases. The grout fills out the piece, softens the colors and smooths the form so that your work finally comes to life. This sculpture has a story, and
in my next post I will talk about the mosaic series on "the Self"...

She is truly "Another Side of My Self"....more later.

Peace be to all....Love and Light

On Passing Time

2008-09-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

This photo of San Diego taken at dusk from the opposite side of the harbor called Shelter Island, is a snapshot in time. Nothing seems to be moving, but if you look at a photo taken just minutes after, you would see that something did change, the sky looks different and there are boats in the scene that weren't there in this photo. Everyone knows time doesn't change, it just IS. But we wonder often, "where does it go?" there "never seems to be enough time"; "time flies when you're having fun"...and on and on we go with comments about "time".

When I looked at my last blog post, I realized I had not written for two weeks, and I wondered to myself, "what have I been doing for two weeks that I didn't take the time to write one word in my blog?" Well I will tell you, I have been cutting hundreds of mini pieces of stained glass and gluing them to my sculpture "Another Side of My Self"...and I am still not done. It is a labor of love and one in which once started one must persevere until the completion. Kind of like baking bread. Now the mosaic is not all that I am working on, in between that I am, like everyone else, multi-tasking and trying to keep my life in balance, although the latter seems to be a little on the far left of center at the moment. I am always working on the balance issue, whatever that may be.

Lately my thoughts have wandered into the area of passing time, and how "what I do with my time" is either helping or hindering my progress for self-improvement and success. Yes I still think about being "successful" even at my age! Successful at what is the issue. Often, when I become interested in some new idea or project, I never feel as though I have completely achieved success at it unless I have mastered all the parts. I am one of those people who have many interests and when I become interested in something, must learn everything about it I possibly can, short of going back to college. But reading books, talking to people who are knowledgeable about the subject, and studying everything I can to know as much as I can, to not only feel comfortable about trying something new, but in judging what is good and/or bad about it and deciding if I even want to spend my time developing this new idea or project. I am definitly not a
just "jump in and tackle it" kind of gal. No, I'm the analytical type.

Although I have have done that on occasion, like when back about 20 years ago while living in South Florida, one of my best friends and I decided on a whim to become SCUBA certified. This was a total off the chart kind of thing that, on retrospect, I think I must have been slightly out of my mind to do. My reasoning was that I had always been afraid of the water since at the age of five so this would help me overcome my fear; I almost drowned in the Atlantic ocean in New Jersey, saved only by the quick action of my father, who jumped into the water, clothes and all, to save me. Now don't get me wrong, I love the ocean and have always been drawn to it, but it was a love/hate kind of thing. As a high school student, my coach threatened to fail me if I didn't pass swimming, and it was just by sheer luck that I made it across the pool without drowning.

Anyway, back to the SCUBA story. My friend and I decided this would be a great way for me to overcome my fear by doing something so ridiculously difficult for a non swimmer to achieve that surely I would never fear the water again and it was slighly akin to people who jump off of bridges attached only by heavy rubber bands at their ankles; it would give me a higher sense of inner confidence and personal power. Now that sounded great. So in we went and signed up. The class was actually a six week course and entailed all kinds of physical endurance type things, swimming being one of them, but the focus was not on swimming. Staying afloat for fifteen solid minutes while treading water in the pool, fully dressed in all the SCUBA gear was one of the trials. How I passed again was probably due to my strong legs and ability to tread water, rather than swimming skills, and my ability to stay calm. There were others too, and a lengthy and detailed instruction course which gave us many of the important skills to understand in order to survive out there in the ocean if something goes wrong. The most important one being: never dive alone, and never panic!

The second to last test was the compass dive where we had to dive into a 15 ft. deep lake, with visibility no more than 3 feet, (I imagined it filled with alligators) and swim out to a pre determined point, and back, not losing our way and navigating only by our compass, then at the end, remove our masks underwater, and put the masks back on, clear them and ascend to the surface. All in less than 30 minutes. I was amazed when I actually did it! It was an accomplishment that better swimmers than I were not able to do, and as a result it gave me the sense of pride that doing something physically and emotionally challenging as "overcoming your fear and trusting in yourself" can do. It was not about physical ability or being a better swimmer, it was a test of the mind.

The final dive was a deep ocean dive, five miles off shore and 35 feet deep. I still remember how my body ached from dragging the heavy equipment to the boat. The ride out in the early morning dawn, calm waters of the ocean and the sheer exhilaration of falling over backwards into the ocean, and descending down to another world, in a cascade of bubbles. Once landing on the sandy bottom the first thing I saw was a huge parrotfish staring me in the face. What a shock. I quickly joined my group and we spent 20 or so glorious minutes exploring the ocean bottom and the abundance of fish. It truly felt at the time like an out of body experience but a total visceral experience as well. You know you are in your body but time seems to stop, or slow down. The events are so foreign to you, that you remember each moment like it was still happening to you over and over. Even though it has been over 20 years since that dive, I still can recall the tactile experience of the tide, the sounds, and the feeling of bouyancy and lightness in the ocean and what I believe is what attracts so many people to the experience, the sheer beauty of the ocean bottom. I can also recall the feeling of mounting "panic: as we ascended to the surface and I encountered choppy waves. Struggling to get to the boat and avoiding panicking, was probably the worst part of the dive. Once aboard, I could breath again and felt a sense of relief and awe. I knew that I had been through a life altering experience, but just not sure at the time in what way it would alter my life.

I did go on to do many more dives, in the keys especially, but after leaving Florida I have only been diving one time and probably will not go back into the ocean again, unless it is in a boat or as a snorkeler. I am happy to say it is something I've "been there done that and survived it" kind of thing. I will leave it to the younger explorers on their journey through life.

What it does give me however is, on reflection, things I have done in my past and things I still choose to experience, each and every life experience however we choose to explore it, changes us, hopefully for the better. We don't always get to know the outcome of any one thing we do until after the fact, and sometimes not ever, but we CAN choose the intention and integrity with which we program into our activities. I believe the power of our intentions is what makes an experience either positive or negative. We only get one life at a time, and when we get past the middle of it, we begin to feel like time is running downhill for us. I know, personally, I try to do too much and don't want to miss out on anything, but perhaps it is out of a sense of "panic" that I feel like time is running out, I need to do this and do that. "Don't waste so much 'time'....on things that don't matter"....but everything matters. Even those things that we may never master. Just learning about them and trying them IS important. We may pick up a new hobby thinking that this is really fun, and discover a new passion in life that may even become a new career!

Well here is the progress SO FAR...on my latest mosaic. Remember this is bare bones and still not grouted. What you can see however is how the change in colors dramatically change the effect of the piece. My hope is by next week it will be completed and I will include detailed photos of the effects.

Until next time!

Who Am I? and Where am I Going?

2008-08-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

If I may borrow a quote from one of my favorite books by Dawna Markova, I will not die an unlived life... "Thomas Hardy once observed that your birthday exists in relation to another day, a day that is impossible to know: we pass silently, every year, over the anniversary of our death. How would it change you if you knew the date of when you were going to die? Would your priorities change? Pema Chodron, author and teacher, describes how most of us go through life like people standing at the edge of the Grand Canyon with brown paper bags over our heads. Would the bag still be there if you knew your "death day" each year? How would you remove it?"

Before my parents passed away a few years ago, I didn't think much about death. Maybe its a subject no one wants to think about, but putting death into another perspective I have chosen to think of death as the threshold of new beginnings. Just as the the inevitability of death comes to all of us eventually, death also happens every moment and every day in smaller ways, but by the passing of time, and change of seasons, the loss of a job, the loss of a dear friend, or our ability to work in the way we are used to. Change is an opportunity to prepare for acceptance of "death" of what unfortunately we seem to hold on to as permanent fixtures in our lives. The ability to think of our lives as un-permanent, and transient, and yet eternal in some way, makes death a non issue. We are born, we live and we die... But during the time in between, what and who we are during this small space in time, is what is important after all is said and done. What are we leaving behind in the minds of those that knew us or didn't know us? How are we affecting those we touch with our minds and souls while we are alive?

I think most people, if asked "Who are you?" would say what they do for a living, or some other type of "label" of who they think they are....but that is not who we really are....we are NOT our labels...we are not our identifiers such as the type of house we live in, or the cars we drive, or the clothes we wear, or our "jobs" or the kinds of foods we eat, or the clubs we dine at or the classes we take or even for that matter the things we create....we are facilitators of energy ... that is all...we transmit and transmute energy through love (hopefully) to create beauty wherever we go....that is all we are...creators. All of the above - are truly part and parcel of our personalities, and certainly affect us in many ways, but truly are not who we are. Those things are part of the illusion we create to illustrate the story we write about who we either think we are or who we believe we are supposed to be...to fulfill an identity perhaps forced on us by our parents, or family or society. To truly know who you are takes time and determination and a strong desire to know.

What if we thought of our lives every day by waking up thinking what a beautiful day we have been given to work our energy magic with! Every interaction you would have from that moment on would change with those thoughts. Some days you are on track to create something defined and specific, but if your intent is to just allow the beauty of the moment to flow through your heart, mind and body....whatever it is you are creating will be perfect. Remember, there are no mistakes. We don't get to take our possessions with us when we cross over to the other side - only our essence travels with us...everything else stays behind and the only meaning it has is what people place on it.

Can we sustain that thought? Work through our fear of death? What if I lost my job? What if I couldn't feed my family? What IF I got hurt and couldn't work...? What if, What if, what if...goes on and on in the mind....all meaningless and nothing but fear. What IF we instead took the plunge and just QUIT our miserable job, and decided to do something else? If you were totally committed to what you were doing, the universe would provide for you I guarantee, because I did it myself in 1993....I can't say it was easy at first but I never doubted for one moment that I was doing the right thing. I have had to change "who I thought I was"....and just be willing to get on purpose, and trust and what I needed always appeared at the right time. Learning to manifest abundance or lack thereof, (and redefining what I think abundance actually IS) is a skill that I am always practicing. I am always open to new ways and ideas to make this process easier and better, but initially no matter what method you use...the first is believing in yourself and your goal. NOT who you THINK you are but who you KNOW you are. Knowing yourself is key. A great philosopher said it "Know Thyself"....and he was right. Knowing who you really are, a shining beacon of light, capable of great things, first and foremost is understanding and affirming that fact.

So much pain and suffering in life could be avoided if we could learn at an earlier age, to ignore labels, and judgment not only of others but in particular our SELVES...Parker Palmer, author, mentor and guide, wrote: "No punishment anyone might inflict on us could possibly be worse than the punishment we inflict on our selves by conspiring in our own diminishment."

What he meant by that is believing the lies we tell ourselves about what we, or society, tells us, we should do or don't do. People who "follow their dreams" are often labeled "selfish" or "irresponsible"....but in fact they are people who have gotten over believing that they should do what other people think they should do, or what other people are doing. They are people who are not afraid to dream big dreams and try to achieve them, who are not afraid to sacrifice all the "things" or societal markers of "wealth and security" for a bigger goal, that of personal happiness.

For some people, having the house, the car and the kids, is essential to their happiness and if that is true then that is their destiny, but for a few others, that is not the case. They tried it, did it, and were ready to move on in a short time to forge their own destiny their own way. For these people the world is their oyster.

For couples who share in the dream of making each other's lives stronger and better, there is an added bonus. For singles, it is sometimes a bit more challenging, but nevertheless still possible to manifest your dreams. Anything is possible! We are not cacti in the desert, baked and parched for centuries, untouched and untouchable...we are human, alive and always growing, like a beautiful sunflower, radiating love and energy. Giving back as much as we take, and more.

I'm not sure where this is all going, or where it even came from, but was on my mind as I continue to pursue the meaning and contribution of the latest art project I am working on, "Another part of myself"...as I'm calling it. Creating something that will hopefully bring joy to its viewers, and with a concept born of my introspective thoughts on where I am going today. Often as I work my mind wanders to these places, thinking of what does this mean...another part of myself? and what it means to me is that I am often evaluating where I am in the spectrum of life. How much did my activities today contribute to my life or to the world? Or did this day provide nothing but a safe pad to crash in for a few hours, while I pondered the state of affairs in the inner and outer world? Did I use my time to truly accomplish my goals today or did I allow myself to be distracted from here and there? Only I can answer that, for all things are important, there are no mistakes and there are no "wasted days"....everything is on purpose, and on schedule.
Love and best always.....

The Unfolding of My Self

2008-08-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

"If we are really honest with ourselves, we must admit that our lives are all that really belong to us, so it is how we use our lives that determines what kind of persons we are. And it is my deepest belief that only by giving our lives do we find life. I am convinced that the truest act of courage, the strongest act of humanity is to sacrifice ourselves for something higher--that which we believe in and love deeply" ___Cesar Chavez

I'd like to be able to just wiggle my nose and have new and really great ideas for art pop into my head, magically. I talk a lot about being inspired by nature, but sometimes my inspiration doesn't come from nature or anywhere around me. My inspiration, or ideas, are often born out of past experiences, painful memories, and joyful memories too, jumbled together and struggling to make sense of it all. Nature, or being in and around it, can definitely promote the creative process, but the actual art does not always come from nature.

Through my artistic creations I find ways to process those memories into something meaningful to me, or something beautiful with a defined form using mediums I can control--such as clay or stone. Because in Nature we do not control anything, JUST as it is in life. Control, if you can call it that, comes in the initial choice as we stand at the cross roads of life deciding which way to turn. But once you make that turn, there is no going back. And because life events are so transient, Artistic creativity, whether it is through sculpture, painting, writing, playing music or whatever your medium, is a way of going back over the events of your life and re-doing them or transmuting the energy of the event into something beautiful and lasting. Only the mediums and choices are "controlled"; the actual outcome should always be left to the mystery.

With sculpture, depending on the medium you choose to work with, you can poke, and prod, until you have created something pleasing to your eyes, and move on from there. I believe there are no mistakes either in life or in art but the level of excellence comes through in the process and methods you use, and how well you execute them. Just as in life, there are no mistakes, however some people seem to plod through life falling into one rut after another , whereas some people just seem to have an instinct for taking the right road and staying out of ruts--flawless execution! I have been one of those who always took the road less traveled and seemed to be attracted to the bumps in the road. Luckily I was always a quick learner AND a perfectionist, and didn't often repeat the same mistake twice. But have had a few doozies in my time. I always said, looking back, that these experiences were what have given me character and substance with lots of food for thought to draw on when writing and creating art.

But getting back to the "control" thing....I have been pondering this all week since I am well into my latest project...a new mosaic piece for my Soul series on the Self. This piece has been committed for a show in September and I agreed to make a new piece because I like chaos in my life, it seems. Not that I don't have enough to do with myself as it is, but the challenge of making a new piece was too much to pass up, especially if I was under a time crunch besides. I have said many times that there are two kinds of artists...those who create art for money, and those who create art out of the pure love of creation. The latter is me. This does create a problem however because I have always made art on my own schedule, according to my own terms. I have difficulty with people who try to tell me what to do with my art.
After all it is my creation right? I don't make art to suit someones living room decor, or fit into their color scheme....either they love the art just because and can't live without it, and if they do they will change their color scheme to fit the art or not! Now that said, it brings me back to this work of art. I spent the better of two weeks thinking about what this piece should be?, what would it have to say to the world? Will it be feminine or masculine? Will it have a colorful personality or will it be simple and pure? These are all valid questions when birthing a new idea or a new sculpture. Meditation, writing and sketching are all important steps in the process, but eventually I had to get out of "control" mode and just allow whatever idea came to me flow.

I compiled a stack of supplies that I knew I would need, like toys, and gathered them all around me on my work table.
There were a few basic things I had to do such as constructing the base and inner form but the creative part was just working with the materials. For two days I have been "playing in the mud" so to speak...working with the ideas that just came to me instinctively and finally have the basic element for the inner structure of the new mosaic. I have yet to name her...it is a feminine form with a ghostly apparition attached to her....so the mystery is what to call her...what have I created from my past? What am I trying to teach with this piece of art? What will be her message? That is all in the mystery and will be unfolding as I progress....So far I call it "Another part of Myself"

Stay tuned for more "unfolding".... In the meantime just enjoy the beauty of nature around us. Try to imagine your life as a balloon, floating, drifting and being propelled by the winds of time, totally out of your control, and yet you are at the drivers seat turning the flame, that keeps you afloat. When the flame goes out, you have reached the end of the ride. Remember to keep the flame alive at all times and enjoy the ride from a higher perspective...when you look down from that higher point of view, you will see things differently. Things that once seemed so large, are meaningless and almost disappear from your site.

Blessings to all...come back to visit again!

Finding Inspiration in Nature

2008-08-18T23:20:00.001-07:00

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes"___Marcel Proust

I mention often in my writing about how much I enjoy Nature and how I love to find inspiration for my artwork from Nature. These photos were taken a year or so ago during a trip to the the High Desert in Southern California to a place called Joshua Tree National Park. It is an amazing place to visit and the sights are incredible. Many people cannot imagine that a desert could be beautiful but the rock formations are so amazing it is almost as though giant hands actually carved the rocks out of clay and just dropped them into the barren desert a thousand years ago, and they remain unchanged for us to enjoy today.

There is vegetation in the desert, and depending on whether or not the desert had any rain the previous winter, will determine how colorful. But it is all a feast for the eyes. The inspiration I get from being in the desert, is unlike what you find on the beach or walking through the woods in the high Sierra region of California. That area is no less serene however, with the same kind of gargantuan rock formations and lovely streams and watersheds scattered throughout the region, but with the tall forests around, you feel a sense of protection, perhaps, less vulnerable than in the desert. But either place is a place of beauty and serenity. If one was inclined to paint, you would never run out of subject matter, for the shapes and colors of the simplest things take on new meaning when you start to examine them from different perspectives. Like the photo I took of the small stream with leaves and branches suspended above it.

Both of the two photos here were taken in the High Sierra mountains where the giant redwoods grow and if one wanted to get lost forever, this would be the place to go. A beautiful paradise to discover and explore nature, opportunities for hiking, camping and taking pictures are endless.

How I derive "inspiration" from Nature is not that I seek to copy nature in my art, but true inspiration to me is a feeling that fills me INSIDE my Heart and Soul with the joy of just being there. Touching the ground, smelling the trees and walking on the rocks, I connect to something older and larger than myself. It is a humbling experience. It also encourages a feeling of inner peace. It is from that place of well being that I regenerate my own creativity, problem-solving ideas and general overall being more grounded. My head is clear, my thoughts are more focused and my thoughts flow more easily.

People have become so "out of touch" in their busy lives: get up, make breakfast, read the paper, rush to get ready to start the day, rush to get to lunch, grab a "meal on the go", finish our job, run errands, get back home for the kids or pets, throw a microwave dinner in the oven and spend the night watching TV...and on and on it goes for days on end. Some of us even have more than one job! This is life for many people today, not all, but many. Is it any wonder that we have so much depression in the world and people with feelings of low self esteem? Is it any wonder that so few people can derive inspiration from anything when they do not understand or seek out the balance between Man and Nature? Nature is there for all of us to enjoy and derive love and joy from...that is its precise purpose. But it is Man who has turned its back on Nature it seems and at time appears to be at war with nature and Mother Earth.

Many of us have neighbors in our neighborhood whom we have never met in two or more years. We are living less than 500 feet from each other and don't even know their names? Our society depends on the television, and computers to tell us what is real. But true reality is right in front of us....living and breathing. Are we too out of touch to notice? Are we too focused on the insanity of day to day meaningless nonsense most of the time, to even take time to notice what IS real?

How can we be inspired for anything magnificent if we are too busy to notice a beautiful rock formation, or the colors of the rainbow in a stream? or the flowers of a cactus in full bloom? How can we write a beautiful stream of words, to someone we love, if our minds are too cluttered with thoughts of nothingness just to get through the day? Can you find beauty in a cactus? or a desert junkyard? Can you be awe inspired by an exquisite sunset ? Inspiration is all around us every day, we just need to make the choice to seek it out. Nuggets of beauty are all around you in the desert, and forests, along the beaches, little gems of nature that are there for everyone's inspiration!

I realize that not all people are so out of touch with Nature and themselves, but a lot of people, myself included, are managing a lot of things in their lives these days and often do not take time to "smell the roses". But as an Artist and creative person, it is extremely important to recharge your creative batteries from time to time, on a regular basis. The more you do this the more you will realize that it is not only fun, it is essential to staying balanced and inspired. Some of my best creative ideas come from taking a walk in a quiet place where I can observe nature in action - or non-action. There, you are forced to slow down as you "attune" energetically to the environment. A desert or forest is not exactly the place to go if you want to see things moving quickly and in fact, everything seems to slow down to a crawl, which is good. It's also why things there do not appear to change too much from year to year except for the effects that Man has upon Nature. Left to its own accord, Nature is pretty resilient and not normally violent. But when Mother Nature does decide to attack, she is the most powerful and potentially destructive forces on Earth. To me, this is a good reason to treat her with respect.

Another beautiful end to a beautiful day.

Self-Reflection

2008-08-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

"The world is a looking glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face."

William Makepeace Thackeray, an English Novelist from the 1860's wrote this quote, and it has been repeated in many different ways in the years since. In fact it may even be responsible for the current mode of thinking that we see and hear about so often that our "thoughts create our reality". It's like the old saying "what you put out is what you get back". My mosaic shown here called "Self Reflection", is a visual observation of this quote; (Click image to enlarge) showing two faces gazing at each other, or reflecting off of each other. One side connected to the essence of our being (the Soul) and the other, more colorful side, demonstrating aspects of our personality, but both sides are still connected through the heart and both sides are also connect to the universal life force depicted by the mandala above the heads.

It is also an interesting observation that as we get older, our faces start to show the reflection of the kind of life we have lived. Our facial lines, or lack thereof, have more to do with our thoughts and feelings and deeds of a lifetime rather than if we remembered to brush, floss and wash our faces every night and use night cream. If one could study the anatomy of our body you would discover that the human face has over 200 major and minor muscles. The face, when studied by cameras and slowed down to show the slightest movement, reveals an incredible amount of movement that is undetectable when viewed at normal speed. What does that tell us? That our face is a mirror of both our inner and outer world and things that happen to us to cause our face to move--either through speech or eating, and in normal everyday activities no matter what we are doing the face is in perpetual motion from our thoughts.

This is why people who study facial expressions, and bodyworkers who study the anatomy of kinesthetic movement of the body and face, are able to detect restrictions in the body, thereby enabling them to help correct problems. Science has also learned that it is possible to detect micro movements in the face to detect emotions and read a person's energy (or thoughts if you will). The bronze sculpture here is entitled "Dream Weaver" and depicts a person deep in meditation, dreaming a better world.

What does all of this mean? To some people it may mean nothing but a mere observation of fact. But on another level IF it is true, then we need to be aware at all times that our thoughts are not only helping to energetically create our reality but create our bodies and faces as well. It is more important what we think than we think! Thinking happy thoughts, rather than dwelling on the past or sad events in our lives, or "mistakes we think we have made" does no one any good unless we are trying to resolve a painful past memory, or event, and thus come up with a creative solution to remedy it or change it. We all know we can't change the past, but we can heal it. We can also learn from it and move forward to create a much better today!

Most people have very interesting lives and could write a book about themselves if they sat down to think about it. But because time seems to pass so quickly, it is often difficult to remember what we did yesterday, let alone three weeks or three decades ago, but our bodies remember everything, and if you think you don't remember just because you cannot immediately recall the events, you are wrong. Somewhere in our DNA or inside of the massive computer called the brain, are stored the facts of every detail of our life ever since our first breath. We just are not consciously aware of it.

When I was practicing therapeutic and energetic bodywork and Reiki healing energy, we learned to work with somatic illness as a way of helping people to release through bodywork, either energetic or muscular, deep issues both emotional and physical that are stored as pain, deep in the body's muscular layers. I learned that there are 12 layers of pain. From the point at which you first "stored" the painful memory, to the point at which you sought help for the pain, the body has a unique way of referring bodily pain "somatically" from one area to another . It was also amazing to see the way a person looked after a session on the table. Not only did they feel better physically, but their face would look younger and lighter. I learned then and there how much our emotions and feelings affect our faces and bodies.

As an artist, putting emotion and meaning into a work of art, whether it is a portrait or sculpted face of someone, or simply a landscape, there is a great desire on my part to convey something of what I am feeling, in my art. If that emotion conveyed makes someone feel empathy, or compassion, then they will take that with them whenever they see the art. If it depicts joy and humor, the person viewing the art will feel that as well. Often I have looked at paintings by other artists and immediately felt a sense of calm, and order or possibly confusion or disorder! Whether I liked it or not was my own subjective opinion, but the Artist was successful because he or she had derived out of me the response they wanted with their art. "The Angel of Abundance" shown here by this joyful, Angel with child.

If having fine art in your home brings about a sense of joy and peace, and enriches you as a person, then that is a noble cause for art. If it incites you to action, then that also is a noble cause as long as it is "right" action. Because we know so much more today about the body and mind connection, this puts an even greater responsibility on all artists for what we put out there. Some say freedom of expression should mean you can put out what ever you want to put out, but I am not in total agreement with that, especially if what is being put out is harming society.

It is my hope that my artwork will express what is within me, and ALSO express what I think of what is outside of me. Not everyone has to agree with my thoughts but I believe "in a perfect world" or society in which all creative people will seek to convey the highest goals possible through their music, art, film, theater, through speech, both spoken and written, and that all of society will conduct itself better as a result. For as a human race, as we ARE so shall we BE. Just as it is for the inner community of our own bodies....as we ARE...so shall we BE. Each generation lays the groundwork for the next. How do you want your children or grandchildren to find the world? A world with the highest integrity and intelligence or one of desolation and suffering? I believe it is not up to any individual culture or country to demand this from their people but up to each individual person no matter what their culture or upbringing, to find the way to higher mind and demand it of themselves. The good literature is there and fine art is all around us, even in nature, if we choose to seek it.

Many blessings.

.

Nurturing the Creative Spark

2008-08-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

"One day a student of Zen asked his Master, "What is the most difficult part of painting?" His Master said: "The part of the paper where nothing is painted is the most difficult."

I love this quote because it shines light on an interesting way of looking at the dilemma we face when starting something new, or searching for a creative idea to solve a problem, or perhaps a new art project that we want to create. Some people think that Artists are constantly punching out ideas like a machine. That is not always true. I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I felt a huge letdown when I finished a project that took over six months to complete. There was a daily flow of energy moving into the project, but once it was completed it was done! I was staring at an empty page every day. Creative ideas do not always come to you by turning the handle of a faucet, they are often generated out of a sense of well being and by taking time to recharge your creative batteries. Creative ideas can also come to you as the solution to a problem, or a trauma that you may have suffered. Through the process of writing a poem, creating a sculpture, painting a picture or your kitchen, you heal your own pain and thus end the suffering. Not that pain and suffering is the way to creativity, but it is often true that creative people are people who have had difficult challenges in their lives to overcome and found through becoming masterful at creating things, they remained whole.

Many years ago I read a fantastic book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron
http://www.theartistsway.com/. She points out many of the ways that Artists often block their own success and sabotage their creativity and offers suggestions for helping to regenerate it. Sometimes all it takes is a day by yourself reconnecting to nature, by walking on the beach, or just finding a quiet spot to
meditate in, and just drown out all the voices in your head. Or maybe poking around in an interesting antique store or a great hardware store is your way to discover something to spark your interest, or spend a few quiet hours in the library going through books.

Whatever approach works for you, the key is to do something radically different from your normal routine, preferably something quiet and by yourself. For as much as we love our family and friends, they can sometimes be our worst enemies when it comes to our creative life. Out of love and a sense of responsibility, we are often so committed to our families that we sometimes leave ourselves and especially our creative project, for last. Many times, in the midst of a very difficult, project I would stop and just leave the project to attend to someones needs. To get around that I developed the ability to work many late hours, into the night, alone with only the radio for company, so that I would not disrupt the "flow" of creativity. Often I would suffer for it the next day, but maybe that is why so many Artists have that disheveled "lack of sleep" look!

But seriously, being a free-spirited, creative individual, as I said before, takes a lifetime commitment and dedication to allowing, respecting and nurturing your artistic dreams, whatever it is that you want to achieve. By shutting it down for everyone and everything that comes along, we ultimately diminish ourselves. Not only that, the world doesn't get to have what we have been given to share--our gift of creativity, whatever it is....music, painting, writing, poetry, sculpting, dance or any of a hundred thousand creative gifts.

Think of what our world would be like if Beethoven, in the midst of any of his famous Symphonies had stopped to take care of the children (he had 12?)....No doubt many famous artists were single most of their lives, along with famous writers, athletes, musicians and anyone who has made huge contributions to the world of art or they had spouses who totally believed in and supported their creative gifts as well. No doubt, it is a selfish life, that of an Artist, if you want to achieve your dreams.

It is not always possible to find balance when you are in the creative flow. It is an energy force that takes over your life, at times, consuming your entire days and nights. The laundry may pile up, the house may not get cleaned, and dishes may pile up in the sink, beds will go unmade for weeks and yet you keep working on your "project"...until it is finished. Then you can catch up, until the next wave of creativity flows over you and you are back to the drawing board again, facing another blank piece of paper.

Falling Free

2008-08-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Sculptured Mosaic "Self Immersion"

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull
of what you really love" ---Rumi

Being a free-spirited person involves a commitment to that philosophy and to apply it to all that you do and in all that you stand for. As an Artist, it involves time devoted to paying attention to life. For I believe it is in our observations of nature and life that we derive our greatest inspiration for art. Nature, being what it is, answers to no one. It just IS. The tree grows or not, because it has to. It is his nature to grow. Just as a flower's nature is to grow and blossom. The bee and butterfly's nature to pollinate, and so on and on. Human's are not always so instinctively driven when it comes to our free nature, or just "being". Sometimes we allow our minds to get in our own way.

When I can allow my mind to relax, through meditation or when working on my art, I always feel as though that is when I do my best work. That state of mind has been called by many names but my term for it is "falling free"....as though we had just fallen from a diving board and are just about to hit the water, or just jumped out of a boat into the depths of the ocean and you are floating, free, into the deep unknown waters of the ocean, waiting to hit the bottom, with no awareness other than your body floating, and the air bubbles from your breathing apparatus surrounding you. There is an excited anticipation about the feeling. What better way to look at life than with curiosity and anticipation every day. Never knowing what one thing or another will lead to next? It is an allowing, of life, and allowing wonderful and exciting things to enter into your realm of nature and thoughts. Its where you derive your greatest ideas for creativity and healing.

When I created the "Lion of Flanders" (see my first post) in 2003, I had that feeling every day for over six months. I would not allow myself to feel discouraged or tired, or for one minute think I would not complete the task. I knew that every day when I went to the studio to work, there would be new challenges to overcome but also new ideas for ways to solve them. And at the end of the six months when the mosaic had been completed I felt an enormous feeling of dis-engagement with the process. The only way to describe it is that I felt as though there was something more I had to do but this job was done, so now what? Again, developing that feeling of anticipation of what now? was very difficult to cultivate at first.

(Detail of Mosaic Self-Immersion)

But soon, my curious nature took over and I decided to try making another mosaic sculpture, since the weather was much too cold to do stone sculpting, I began developing the idea for a series of mosaic pieces based on my thoughts about "the Self" and I called it "Echoes of the Soul". The idea came out of the notion that our Soul is our primal driving force that directs us during our lifetime or lifetimes on Earth. We all have a purpose, or something that we love so much it is in our thoughts at all times, something that we came here to do (or remember)--maybe at the back of our mind but there nevertheless. That driving force, or "what we love" is what we are supposed to pay attention to in life. No matter what...that is what we are here for. That is not to say we should not have jobs, or do other things as well, because many of us came here to do many things, but one or two exceptional things.

The older I get the more I realize that our "Soul" is talking to us and guiding us, but we don't always listen. If we just take time to pay attention to our urgings and inner gut feelings, and not be afraid to follow and see where they lead us, it may surprise you how it turns out.

One Thing Leads to Another

2008-08-09T13:21:00.000-07:00

For students of ZEN, a mere stone is a treasure. When I was a child I was always fascinated with nature. I remember my mother cutting an article out of a magazine when I was about 7 yrs old, about butterfly collecting. She was an artist as well, and always curious about new things. She encouraged my curiosity and creativity early on. She made me the net with special nylon netting, a wire rim and an old broom handle. We fashioned the spreading boards from cardboard, and carefully I learned how to use a very toxic chemical which we purchased from the drugstore, to use as the method of killing the butterflies. In the beginning I was too young to realize that killing these butterflies to put into my "collection" would be so hard to do. I was too caught up in the excitement of learning about them.

For almost two summers I was totally absorbed with the process of chasing down butterflies in our neighborhood and catching them carefully in the net so as not to destroy their precious and beautiful wings. I would soak a cotton ball with a few drops of the chemical solution, and put it into a mason jar, then slip the net over the top of the jar and drop the butterfly into the jar, where she would quickly drop lifeless to the bottom. I then used metal tweezers to remove the butterfly and put her on the spreading board to display the wings, just as an Entomologist would do. I had a beautiful collection and had learned to identify all sorts of wild colorful butterflies, bugs, moths and even beetles. One day on my second summer of collecting, I was preparing another butterfly for its death chamber, and it suddenly overwhelmed me with a feeling of sadness, remorse and pain. I had an awareness that I had never felt before, of empathy and compassion for this helpless little creature that I was about to put to death. I released the butterfly immediately and vowed that I would never wilfully harm another living creature for art's sake or otherwise. I believe that incident paved the way for the philosophy I had about life from that day forward. I became a defender of animals, trees, nature, children and all sorts of ideologies. I also believe that everything we do, even seemingly painful and difficult things, eventually find a purpose in our lives and lead us to higher and higher levels. We become enlightened by the awareness of our deeds and how they can be applied to even higher purposes.

This leads me to the essence of my subject today, that being "Everything is connected".

One of the other passions of my childhood was collecting stones. Yes, simple stones from the ground. I would stop dead in my tracks to pick up and examine a little stone from the ground that had unusual colors or markings, trying to find meaning in it. Later, when my parents started to take our family on summer camping trips to Upper Michigan along Lake Superior, which is a haven for agate collectors, I would always come home with a pail full of odd but beautiful stones, much to the dismay of my Father. Some of my stone treasures from other places include fossils of early plant and animal life, and even Indian arrowhead artifacts from our back yard. Even more interesting are stones from all over the United States such as the Basalt Stones from Soldotna, Alaska or the interesting "story" stones from Sedona, Arizona. The "story" stones, have natural pictures on them that seem to speak to you. Some of these are shown here.

Basalt Stones from Alaska with Markings

Sedona Stones with "rainbow" marks

Warrior Image on Stone from Sedona

Now some would say that you can't harm a stone, because it is already dead, so I figured at my young age that picking up stones from one part of the world and taking them home to another part would do no harm to anyone, but what I learned later in life, it can be. It's like taking a baby bird from its nest. Everything has a place in nature, and it is there for a reason. Even if for us to study. But that doesn't give us the right to just take things without asking permission. So I learned about asking permission from studying Native American religions. One should always put something back in nature if you take something away. So as to create balance. Sort of like what we are supposed to do when we bring things from the store to our house....remove something else and give it away? Anyway, back to my story:

Stones have been "connected" to me most of my life, and in 1996, after I had been practicing Therapeutic Massage for several years, I learned about a new therapy called "La Stone Therapy" using heated Basalt Stones. This sounded like something I HAD to learn so I went to Tucson to study with Mary Hannagan who at the time was the only person doing this therapy. She actually developed the technique based on a dream or vision she had, and the rest is history. Mary started spreading her knowledge around and it has become one of the most therapeutic and most called for therapies known in 5 Star spas the world around.

In 1997 I was living at my daughter's house in San Diego, temporarily, while looking for a job in San Diego, and decided one day to drive up to the Stone Sculptor's Supply in Escondido, California, to see what it was all about. I had heard they sold stone and had studios for people to do stone sculpture, and even take classes. When I arrived I was mesmerized with all of the pallets filled with huge piles of white and pink marble, and even more rows and rows of Alabaster Stone, just waiting to be carved. In the back of the warehouse, were two women who ran the business at that time. Mary and Lenora. Mary talked to me about what they did and asked me "what did I want to do?" I said that I wanted to take a class in stone sculpture and when she learned that I was a massage therapist and an artist she told me that I didn't need a class. She said my instincts
and hands would guide me to do the right thing. So, she gave me a dozen or so tiny stone scraps from the pile and I purchased two little Italian rasps and off I went home to work on them on my own. She suggested that I finish them--just have fun with them--and bring them back in two weeks when I needed to polish them. She would help me.

In two weeks I had turned all of the little pieces of stone into tiny little sculptures waiting to be finished. Mary taught the elements of sanding and polishing and I was on my own then. Addicted to a new passion in art--Direct Stone Sculpting.

Eleven years later I am still sculpting stones but much larger ones now. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves stone and loves a challenging art form. It is not for the faint of heart, for stone is stone. Alabaster is much easier to work than Marble but the colors in Alabaster stone are what drew me to it. The passion of carving something so raw and unfinished into something beautiful, smooth and sensual, is very evocative. It creeps up on you until you are seeing beautiful images in every raw stone you see. I believe this is a gift that was honed by my many years of being connected to stones at an elemental way, just being aware of them, touching them, collecting them and studying their markings, has made me more in tune with the material. Working as a glass artist for ten years during the 1980's also gave me some dexterity handling tools and difficult material as well. But I believe anyone can learn it.

Raw Pink Alabaster Stone

Working successfully in Stone, I believe, takes a real determination and dedication to completion of an image in your mind's eye, and cooperation of the stone. Sculpting, like Massage and Healing work, is not something you DO to the Stone. You work in conjunction WITH the stone. Sculptor and stone work in unison, and communicate to each other just as animals communicate through our sensory nerves. Just as I sensed the beauty and pain of the butterfly so many years ago, I can "sense" the meaning in a stone. Whether it will be used as a sculpture to beautify someones home, or put in a hospital as a work of art to soothe someones soul, the beauty of the sculpture is derived from a collaboration between the stone and the artist.

Pink Alabaster Stone after Carving and Polishing

A New Home for a Lion

2008-08-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

Today is the first day of writing my long awaited, and even longer contemplated personal, "artful" blog.

Strangely enough, I have been thinking of starting a blog for months, like most people, it takes a lot of mental preparation and planning. I could have easily talked myself out of this but I love to write and have a burning desire to talk about what is important to me, and I truly believe that blogging is a wonderful way to share our lives and what is important to us, with others. Hopefully, others will find it interesting too. It will be many posts before I feel comfortable with the mechanical process of posting and creating artful conversations that I intend will give others inspiration to challenge themselves, and know there are no limits when it comes to what we can accomplish when we put our minds to it.

Today, I want to share the experience of installing my sculptured mosaic Lion "The Lion of Flanders" at the Quail Botanical Gardens http:www.qbgardens.org/ in Encinitas, California, yesterday.

I created this lion in 2003 for an outdoor public art exhibition. The sculpture was later gifted back to me by my generous sponsor, The Flanders Group in Pittsford, New York http:www.flandersgroup.com/. As an artist, this honor was not only totally unexpected, I was clueless as to what I was now going to do with a 500 lb. 8' long mosaic lion! I had long suspected it would be auctioned off for charity and that would be the end of it, but no, five years later I am still trekking it around the country on various excursions and exhibitions. My ultimate hope is that someone will fall in love with him as much as I do, and want to marry him....oops, I mean buy him and take him home, so I can create something bigger and better ! Ha! Well, the truth is I have to release him, my friend tells me, who is a psychic and past life regression therapist for 25 years and knows about these kinds of things.

So, I unleashed him and first put him in the Spanish Village Art Center for about a year or so, then he traveled to Mesa, Arizona, http://www.downtownmesa.com/sculpture_exhibit.htm, for their "Sculpture in the Streets" exhibition which lasted six months. Sadly, he was not treated well there, as a few people felt he would look better with his whiskers trimmed off and decided to do that for me. Unfortunately I felt he was better with the whiskers, so I spent about three weeks restoring them along with all of the accompanying mosaic around them. Now he sports his fancy new whiskers (photo above) and is living in a new home for a few months. This one is by far the best. He is actually living in the South African Gardens of Quail Botanical Garden http:www.qbgardens.org/. He will be accompanied by a Giraffe I am told, and I hope they behave themselves!

Here are a few scenes from the re-location: